NETFLIX REVIEWS: SPYMATE starring EMMA ROBERTS & PAT MORITA

(These Netflix user reviews are presented here unedited and with their corresponding star rating.)

TWO STARS

Adults will probably not enjoy this movie much because it is very unrealistic. Also, because the whole chimpanzee thing has been overdone. However, younger viewers would probably really enjoy this. If you have young kids, give this a whirl, if not, look elsewhere for a good movie.

TWO STARS

Talents are obvious. With all of the hipe these days about girl detectives you may be tempted to try this movie. If you’re an adult, don’t. It’s 75% chimp and his tricks, 20% Dad the chimp partner, & 5% young girl who is suppose to be super smart. Good stuff if you’re under 9 years old.

THREE STARS

A cute but silly and campy movie. My children liked it but personally I liked Dunstan Checks In a lot better.

THREE STARS

As an adult viewer, I found this movie very cheesy. My 7-year-old, however, LOVES it! He did figure out the jist of the plot very early on, but he enjoyed the fact that he could pick out who were the bad guys and what they were up to. Emma Roberts, from Nickelodeon’s Unfabulous, is in this movie and is thus a recognizable face to us. Pat Morita makes a small appearance that generated big laughs from my son. Bottom line, animal + kid in the main plot = very enjoyable for kids to watch. As I said, I found it to be very cheesy, but I still liked it – just not as much as my son!

THREE STARS

A chimpanzee is not a monkey. Its an ape. I dont know why people always get this confused. Apes are our closest relatives! Either way, Emma Roberts is a doll.

THREE STARS

8 year old says its cool, even though he rolled his eyes a few times as well. A movie that adults may want to watch with a book or a second task as well, so you aren’t bored. Very fine to just put it in and let kids watch alone. Adult viewpoint: 2.5. Child 4. Not as cool as some spy flicks & we couldn’t really figure out how or why the circus people had to be involved.

THREE STARS

My 7-year old son and his cousins (ages 9 and 6)loved it. They wanted to watch it again immediately after their first viewing. My son was upset when he found out I had returned it.

FOUR STARS

My children twin 8 year old girls LOVED this film. The Monkey was hillarious! Emma Roberts (the lead) was smart and a good scientist, she was very confident and brave. We recommend this to kids 7+.

FOUR STARS

This was a great movie for ages five to 50. It was wonderful to sit and watch this movie with my two grandsons, even with all the laughs.

FOUR STARS

A good family movie, my 10 year old kept saying the monkey had some real skills. We all enjoyed it!

FIVE STARS

best movie ever!!!! so cool, i love spies(im 9), and the monkey, WOW!!!! if you dont like this movie, you are crazy. no cursing or gore.

FIVE STARS

If the movie is that bad It mustve been made in the 80s or the 90s or the 70s!!!

FIVE STARS

It was very funny. A monkey named Binky has to save his old spy partner and his daughter, Ameilia. It’s amazing how a monkey can do so many things: snowboarding, kung-fu fighting, acrobatics… Although some computer animation was used, it still was a great movie.

FIVE STARS

SPY MATE is the most funniest mosvie ever. its all about a monkey who saves the world! who dosent like that?

FIVE STARS

This was the best movie ever. My whole family loved it.Well i mean everybody that watched it. Today is my birthday and I watched it on my birthday too. This is one of my best birthdays. I defintly would recomend this to you. I know youll love it.

G.

movie challenge 2005: chapter 9

sorry everybody. i’ve been busy with band stuff and label stuff lately.

i’ve got a little bit of free time at the moment, so let’s get back into the movie challenge. right where we left off…

chapter 1, chapter 2, chapter 3, chapter 4, chapter 5, chapter 6, chapter 7, chapter 8

May 12th, 2005

i haven’t felt like doing anything but sleeping for a couple months now. it’s getting bad. i gotta get out of here.

Bones:

not as bad as i expected. it actually had some neat visuals early on, and snoop dogg wasn’t as dreadful as i expected him to be. however, the movie was boring. it never really went anywhere, especially anywhere unexpected, and the end just got stupid. it’s not even a movie to watch for a good chuckle. don’t bother with it.

 

The Boston Strangler:

made in 1968. just 4 years after the killings had ended. i really liked the cinematography and editing. richard fleischer did a lot of split screen shots and cool cropping. i found it rather artistic and unique. but like with all movies ‘based on actual events’, they didn’t really go for realism. actual events were changed to work into the plot twists and to fit the angle they were going for. they made the boston strangler into a split personallity disorder, which wasn’t correct or even speculated in the real case. one interesting thing about the real case is that many people think the boston strangler is still alive and living in the boston area. i found the real story to be fascinating, and recommend anyone interested in serial killers to look into it. i also recommend the film. it’s not accurate, but it’s a well done movie.

some images from: moviescreenshots.blogspot.com
 

The Bunker:

the title is dumb, and the cover is more dumb, but the movie wasn’t that bad. it’s about a small group of german soldiers during ww2. they’re in a bunker. they think the enemy is beginning to surround them, they’re running out of ammo, and they can’t get ahold of any other germans. to top it off, none of them really like each other, and the tunnels built beneath the bunker are supposedly haunted. you never really know if it is haunted, or if they’re just going crazy, or what. the movie never reallly gets suspenseful or anything. it’s decent and made on a small budget, but it seems like it could have been better.

 

Bram Stoker’s Dracula:

i actually didn’t like it much. maybe i expected too much from it? i dunno. i never got into it. i did like some of the visuals and effects and stuff, but it’s not gonna make it on my top horror movies list. i’m sorry. i know that coppola is supposed to be awesome, but he did not impress me at all with this film. and again i want to know why the fuck anyone would give keanu reeves any role more than ‘cop number 1’ or ‘shopkeep’ or ‘extra’.

 

scott

UPDATE . . . . . . Warner Bros. DC . . . ohhhhhhhh

Okay, I just watched Batman (like you’ve never seen him before) from 1989 and that is NOT an A movie. This throws my entire Warner Bros. DC list into doubt. I first saw this movie when I was 10 and loved it so hard I had sex with it. I’ve seen it many times but I guess maybe not for several years before tonight. I’m thinking I either watched it with a really critical eye for the first time or maybe The Dark Knight is just so good that this movie looks silly but whatever! The point is – this movie ain’t that great.

I can tell you what I loved about this movie when I was 10 – the Batsuit, the (few) hand-to-hand fight scenes, and Joker’s kewl one-liners. Well, now I realize that this batsuit is kinda clunky. For one thing, the head is really big. In the few shots where you can see Batman from the feet up, it’s pretty obvious as the head and shoulder pads are huge and then you look down and see Michael Keaton’s cute little chicken legs poking out from underneath the cape. The fights are pretty short and not as cool as they could be but they’re still okay. I’ll describe them now: 1) A swordsman swings his swords all over the place and Batman kicks him in the face. 2) In a cathedral, this dude does 30 backhandsprings before flying toward Batman with blades protruding from his boots (which is pretty cool) but Batman gets him in the nuts with his EXTENDING PALM . 3) A guy jumps at Batman and falls through the floor (pretty funny). 4) A big guy beats the shit out of Batman and then Batman’s Batchickenlegs pull him down a staircaise to his death.

The biggest issue with this movie is that it has no plot. I’ll sum it up for you: Gotham is turning 200 years old. There’s gonna be a party. Crime Boss’s Henchman is humping Crime Boss’s lady so Crime Boss sets up Henchman. Henchman becomes Joker, takes over crime and randomly does stuff that is bad. Batman randomly opposes him. Police do FUCKING NOTHING EVER. There’s a scene where Joker kills a dude on the courthouse steps and in the background you can see 2 cops just standing there doing NOTHING (and then they get shooted). Wait, is that part of the plot? In the newest movie, Joker basically does bad stuff randomly but at least he explains that he just thinks it’s fun. In this old movie, Joker seems half-crazy and half-just like any other crime boss.

This movie is campy, too, just like the old Batman TV show. When I was a kid I thought that the “new” 1989 Batman was dead serious and grim and awesome and the old show was silly but no, the 1989 movie is just silly in an ’80s way. I already mentioned the silly EXTENDING PALM on Batman’s glove. PS – Why did he implement such a feature? Was he really expecting to have to whack a guy in the nuts to avoid boot blades at some point? There’s a part where Batman flies in his Batwing jet and uses SCISSORS on the front of the jet to collect some parade balloons. ARGH! What was he planning for when designing the jet that he decided it should have scissors?

I dunno, man. This movie is a C.

kicknz

I very briefly grade all of the Warner Bros. DC Comics movies

* = I like it to some extent, even if has a bad grade

Superman: The Movie (A)
Superman II (A)
Superman III (C)*
Supergirl (C-)*
Superman IV: The Quest For Peace (D)*
Superman Returns (C)

Batman (A)
Batman Returns (A)
Batman Forever (C+)*
Batman & Robin (D)*
Batman Begins (A)
The Dark Knight (A+)

Steel (D)
Catwoman (F)
Constantine (B-)
V For Vendetta (B-)

kicknz

movie challenge 2005: chapter 7

chapter 1, chapter 2, chapter 3, chapter 4, chapter 5, chapter 6

May 9th, 2005

The Blair Witch Project:

i really like this movie. the first time i saw it, with lori and jen and morty and chris (and i think others) way back when it was in the theaters, i left unimpressed. but when i re-watched it, i realized how wonderful it is. it leaves practically everything to the imagination. you never actually see any monsters or ghosts or anything, which is great. the acting is very good. and the story is good too. i also like how they went about making it. and i like how they went to all the trouble of making fake documentaries and stuff to help hype the movie. so if you’ve never seen it, i recomend watching it. and if you have seen it, but were unimpressed, i recommend watching it again. preferrably alone and in the dark, with the sound turned up.

The Book of Shadows: Blair Witch 2:

what the hell is the book of shadows? after watching the film, i realized i don’t think it was ever even mentioned. the story is pretty interesting. it’s about a group of people who go out to the woods where the tapes from the first movie were found. they set up cameras and sit around drinking and stuff. then they black out, and when they wake up everything is destroyed except the tapes and they don’t remember anything. then they go back to one guy’s house to watch the tapes and more fucked up stuff happens. the acting is shitty at times. parts of it don’t work. but overall, it’s pretty good.

Bleed:

i’ll put it this way… lloyd kaufman plays a tiny roll in it, and that’s the best part. it’s your basic low budget slasher film. lots of boobs, fake looking gore, horrible acting, lame plot, etc. i don’t like slasher films.

Blood Thirst: Legend of the Chupacabra:

this movie was inspiring. if someone can get something this shitty released on dvd, then i KNOW i can make a movie. another low budget independent film. all shot on video with people who obviously aren’t actors. the writing was shit. the pacing was shit. everything was shit. it’s about the chupacabra, and they actually talk about some of the real theories, which is nice, but then they turn the chupacabra into a vampire who is going around killing people. so an old vampire hunter goes after it. then he kills himself to kill the vampire leader, thus ending the terror that all the vampires have caused, and ending the legend of the chupacabra.

 

scott

movie challenge 2005: chapter 6

chapter 1, chapter 2, chapter 3, chapter 4, chapter 5

May 8th, 2005

1:37 am

Beyond Re-Animator:

awesome gore. it’s one of those ‘horror-comedy’ films like dead alive. this is the third in the ‘re-animator’ series. my blockbuster doesn’t have the first two, so i don’t know how it compares to those. i would like to see the others, because the director claims this one has the least amount of gore. this movie was fun for the most part, but seemed to go on a bit too long, and had a few boring parts. that’s the problem with films made just for gore, they rarely use the gore in such a way to keep your attention the whole time. they usually have a bunch of pointless scenes to add more gore, but it takes away from the flow of the movie. the bonus features had a great techno-pop music video called ‘move your dead bones’. i don’t know who it’s by. maybe it would’ve told me if i could’ve sat through more than 30 seconds of it.

2:47 am

well fuck. i just learned there are FIVE MORE amityville movies!!

Amityville 4: The Evil Escapes
The Amityville Curse
Amityville 1992: It’s About Time
Amityville: A New Generation
Amityville Dollhouse

they are all either made for tv movies, or direct to video. luckily, i’ll probably never see any of these.

***i decided to look for the “move your bones” video on youtube. not only did i find the version from beyond re-animator, but also an awfully good flash video featuring furries.

and here’s the WIKIFUR entry about it

scott

movie challenge 2005: chapter 5

chapter 1, chapter 2, chapter 3, chapter 4

May 7th, 2005

2:51 pm

so about 5 hours after that last post, i decided i was a little less of a tuff guy, and a little more of a hypochondriac, so i made a doctors appointment. this sickness really kicked my ass yesterday. today i’m feeling a lot better, but i went to the appointment anyway. gonna go to ‘whole earth day’ later.

Amityville 3-D:

pretty much exactly what i expected from the title. it’s a shitty movie with a tiny, poorly written plot that is sewn together with lame 3-d effects. i guess i can’t accurately call them ‘lame’, since i didn’t have 3-d glasses, but unless these glasses also somehow turn shit into awesomeness, then it doesn’t matter. but i think the movie is better than the other two amityville movies i’ve seen, just because by having “3-D” in the title, you don’t expect it to be good or to be taken seriously. it’s just meant to be fun. it really doesn’t even have anything to do with the amityville horror, except that they used a similar looking house. it could have easily been made without any ties to the amityville horror name. there’s one scene i liked. it wasn’t scary or creepy or anything, but it was reminisent of real ghost stories. the daughter drowns in a boat accident, and at the same moment, her mother sees her walking up the stairs, soaking wet, into her room. oops! i gave away some crucial part of the plot!! alright… i know i’m making this movie sound bad, but don’t completely dismiss it. the film had two great actresses in it before they were famous: meg ryan and LORI LOUGHLIN!!! okay… so neither is really great, but i think allison, at least, will appreciate any movie with Rebecca ‘Becky’ Donaldson Katsopolis in it.

11:07 pm

went to see jason webly tonight. hb says he’s a tom waits rip off, but i like him. when he plays live, it’s just him and an accordian or acoustic guitar, but the cd i bought (the new one) has piano, strings, percussion, everything. i would recommend checking him out.

Beneath Loch Ness:

WOW!! imagine anaconda, but take away all the good stuff, add a worse plot, worse dialogue, worse acting, some bad scottish accents, and computer effects reminiscent of star fox for snes, or at best, turok for nintendo 64. yes sir! worst movie so far, and very likely the worst movie i’ll see.

Amityville II: The Possession:

spouse and child abuse, insest, murder, demonic possesion… what more could you want from a movie? this is the best of the amityville series. it’s supposed to be a prequel to the first film, but it never really says if it’s supposed to be before the defeo family bought the house or before the lutz family bought it. either way, it doesn’t work, cuz it would mean two families were murdered in the house, and the first film doesn’t mention this. this film, like amityville 3-d, doesn’t need to be in the amityville series. it really has very little to do with the house or the first movie. it’s basically just about a kid who becomes posessed. the make up effects are pretty cool at times, but at others they just seem like a cheap imitation of regan from the exorcist. the ending sucked. and over all, the writing was bad. if you want to see a weaker version of the exorcist, rent this film.

The Best of the Amityville Horror Series:
1. Amityville II: The Possession
2. Amityville 3-D
3. The Amityville Horror
4. The Amityville Horror (remake)

the theme from the amityville horror is still up there at the top of my all time favorite theme songs list. spooooky!

 

***boy… i was pretty good at writing/spelling in the old days…

scott

movie challenge 2005: chapter 4

catch up: chapter 1, chapter 2, chapter 3

May 6th, 2005

i walked to the video store in good spirits. the night was cool, but not cold, my head and throat weren’t hurting like they had recently been accustomed to, i had eaten pizza for dinner, everything was very pleasant. i walked in to blockbuster, and down the isle, turning at the horror section. as my eyes scanned along the first row of dvds, my spirits suddenly fell. sitting on the shelf, staring mockingly at me, were amityville II: The Possession and amityville 3-D. FUCK!! the two amityville movies i’ve seen are worthless, and i wasn’t ready for what i assumed were two more completely awful wastes of time and money, not only for me, but for the people who made the films. after i had quit hyperventilating, and came back to my senses, i realized that both films had miraculously been rented. i breathed a sigh of relief, wiped the cold sweat off my brow, and said a prayer of thanks to whatever god is watching over me. the next two films on the shelf were films i had actually thought about renting before starting this quest. (quest for what? i’m not sure. maybe i’ll find the answer to that at the end of the journey)

Angel Heart:

another film that probably shouldn’t be in the horror section. this is more of a mystery film. it’s about this private detective who is hired by some mysterious “religious fanatic” to find a missing person. it stars mickey rourke, robert de niro, and lisa bonet (of cosby show fame). good film, but you figure out the mystery pretty quick. i like the cinematography, the visuals, and the over all feel that the movie has. lisa bonet is naked alot. so if you ever wanted to see Denise Huxtable Kendall in the nude, then you’ll certainly enjoy this film.

Arachnophobia:

i recomend this film to Ryan C. Meier, and anyone else who has an irrational fear of spiders, because they might actually find it scary. i thought this movie was actually done pretty well. it never got TOO rediculous, although it is just like any other ‘new deadly species’ film. some new species is found in south america and accidentally brought back and released unknowingly into civilization. then people start dying, and no one knows why. then someone thinks they know, but no one believes him/her. then they find out he/she’s right and the last half is all action or tension and special effects. john goodman is in it, and his character is cool. and the spiders are done pretty well. they’re even better than the spiders in the beyond!!

i’m still sick, but i haven’t noticed any red splotches yet, so i’m just going to keep assuming it’s just sinuses, and not strep throat. doctors are lame and a waste of my time, i can’t be bothered to go see one unless it’s an emergency.

scott

movie challenge 2005: chapter 3

some background and chapter 1 is HERE
chapter 2 is HERE

May 4th, 2005

I’m already falling behind schedule. sickness plus the book i’m reading getting interesting equals less time for movies.

an american werewolf in london:

i liked this movie. it had sweet non computer special effects. it was written well, and acted well. however, i’m a sucker for classic monsters, such as werewolves, so others might not like it as much.

an american werewolf in paris:

i guess this is supposedly a sequel, but has nothing to do with the other one at all. except it has werewolves. this was enjoyable too. different than the prequel. this one was less about the dude becoming a werewolf, and more about action. but i didn’t get bored with it, like i do with most action movies, so i guess that’s good. the highlight of this movie is the killer 90’s soundtrack.
check it:

Bush
Refreshments
Better Than Ezra
Cake
Suicide Machines
Skinny Puppy
Caroline’s Spine
Phunk Junkeez

there were others, but i didn’t know who they were, so i didn’t bother listing them.

***get your own copy of the werewolf in paris soundtrack! and listen to it while perusing through other movies with male bondage!

scott

movie challenge 2005: chapter 2

find an explanation and chapter 1 RIGHT HERE.

May 3rd, 2005:

well… i’m sorry to disappoint, but after counting the horror movies, i realised that i would have to watch 8-10 movies a day in order to view them all by the end of may. so the new goal is the end of june, but i’m sure that some way through the friday the 13th series, or the halloween series, or the nightmare on elm street series, i’ll loose all will to see this through, and the goal will once again be changed, probably to the end of july or to never. we’ll see…

also, i’m ill. i’m afraid i might have strep, and that could cut into movie watching time. it’s hard to sit through movies when you’re all hopped up on target immitation brand nyquil.

28 Days Later:

great movie. everything about it is pretty great. i highly recommend it, but i’m sure everyone who reads this has already seen it. also, the ‘radical alternate ending’ was cool. i wish they had filmed it.

Anaconda:

the 1997 movie starring j-lo, ice cube, owen wilson, and john voight, among others. lame-o! john voight was cool, and owen wilson played a slightly different roll than he plays in all his other films. SLIGHTLY, i say, cuz he was still basically the same goofy character, he just didn’t get as goofy, and he was hardly in it. it’s about some film crew who is out to do a documentary about some tribe, then they meet this crazy dude who ends up leading them on a hunt for a giant snake. i guess this film’s main selling point was its ‘groundbreaking special effects’. ouch. the effects in this are horrible. the snake is less realistic than the skeleton warriors from army of darkness. and i have no idea why this shit was in the horror section, it should be in the action section, or the ‘shitty movies’ section. what a waste of my time. i coulda been watching a shitty horror movie instead.

scott