Tag Archives: horror reviews

movie challenge 2005: chapter 8

 chapter 1, chapter 2, chapter 3, chapter 4, chapter 5, chapter 6, chapter 7

May 10th, 2005

Bloodgnome:

another micro-budget film. all shot on video. lots of boobs, blood, and bdsm. the thing about this type of movie, is that you seem to grade ’em on a whole different scale. it’s like saying some grade school kid’s art is great. you wouldn’t say it’s great when compared to a professional artist. so when i say this wasn’t BAD, i’m not saying to go watch it. i’m saying that compared to other movies made by amateurs, it’s not one of the worst. it flowed well, some of the scenes were cool, and the story wasn’t awful. the acting was usually very bad, but that’s a given. for not having a budget, it had some really cool monster puppets.


***that man was not in the film

The Bone Snatcher:

set in the south african desert. something is killing people and leaving nothing but bones. and those bones end up disappearing later. a team of a handful of people working at a mine out there end up having to fight it. yeah. it’s your basic x-files plot, minus aliens and government officials. i liked the monster alot. it was gross and not too rediculous. there wasn’t much to the movie, but i think that helped it. if they had tried adding more stuff it coulda ended up going too long and would’ve probably gotten boring. it wasn’t a bad movie, but it wasn’t memorable. just your basic “monster chasing a couple people around in a secluded area” film.

scott

 

***i can’t tell you how tempted i am to rewrite these things…

movie challenge 2005: chapter 7

chapter 1, chapter 2, chapter 3, chapter 4, chapter 5, chapter 6

May 9th, 2005

The Blair Witch Project:

i really like this movie. the first time i saw it, with lori and jen and morty and chris (and i think others) way back when it was in the theaters, i left unimpressed. but when i re-watched it, i realized how wonderful it is. it leaves practically everything to the imagination. you never actually see any monsters or ghosts or anything, which is great. the acting is very good. and the story is good too. i also like how they went about making it. and i like how they went to all the trouble of making fake documentaries and stuff to help hype the movie. so if you’ve never seen it, i recomend watching it. and if you have seen it, but were unimpressed, i recommend watching it again. preferrably alone and in the dark, with the sound turned up.

The Book of Shadows: Blair Witch 2:

what the hell is the book of shadows? after watching the film, i realized i don’t think it was ever even mentioned. the story is pretty interesting. it’s about a group of people who go out to the woods where the tapes from the first movie were found. they set up cameras and sit around drinking and stuff. then they black out, and when they wake up everything is destroyed except the tapes and they don’t remember anything. then they go back to one guy’s house to watch the tapes and more fucked up stuff happens. the acting is shitty at times. parts of it don’t work. but overall, it’s pretty good.

Bleed:

i’ll put it this way… lloyd kaufman plays a tiny roll in it, and that’s the best part. it’s your basic low budget slasher film. lots of boobs, fake looking gore, horrible acting, lame plot, etc. i don’t like slasher films.

Blood Thirst: Legend of the Chupacabra:

this movie was inspiring. if someone can get something this shitty released on dvd, then i KNOW i can make a movie. another low budget independent film. all shot on video with people who obviously aren’t actors. the writing was shit. the pacing was shit. everything was shit. it’s about the chupacabra, and they actually talk about some of the real theories, which is nice, but then they turn the chupacabra into a vampire who is going around killing people. so an old vampire hunter goes after it. then he kills himself to kill the vampire leader, thus ending the terror that all the vampires have caused, and ending the legend of the chupacabra.

 

scott

movie challenge 2005: chapter 6

chapter 1, chapter 2, chapter 3, chapter 4, chapter 5

May 8th, 2005

1:37 am

Beyond Re-Animator:

awesome gore. it’s one of those ‘horror-comedy’ films like dead alive. this is the third in the ‘re-animator’ series. my blockbuster doesn’t have the first two, so i don’t know how it compares to those. i would like to see the others, because the director claims this one has the least amount of gore. this movie was fun for the most part, but seemed to go on a bit too long, and had a few boring parts. that’s the problem with films made just for gore, they rarely use the gore in such a way to keep your attention the whole time. they usually have a bunch of pointless scenes to add more gore, but it takes away from the flow of the movie. the bonus features had a great techno-pop music video called ‘move your dead bones’. i don’t know who it’s by. maybe it would’ve told me if i could’ve sat through more than 30 seconds of it.

2:47 am

well fuck. i just learned there are FIVE MORE amityville movies!!

Amityville 4: The Evil Escapes
The Amityville Curse
Amityville 1992: It’s About Time
Amityville: A New Generation
Amityville Dollhouse

they are all either made for tv movies, or direct to video. luckily, i’ll probably never see any of these.

***i decided to look for the “move your bones” video on youtube. not only did i find the version from beyond re-animator, but also an awfully good flash video featuring furries.

and here’s the WIKIFUR entry about it

scott

movie challenge 2005: chapter 5

chapter 1, chapter 2, chapter 3, chapter 4

May 7th, 2005

2:51 pm

so about 5 hours after that last post, i decided i was a little less of a tuff guy, and a little more of a hypochondriac, so i made a doctors appointment. this sickness really kicked my ass yesterday. today i’m feeling a lot better, but i went to the appointment anyway. gonna go to ‘whole earth day’ later.

Amityville 3-D:

pretty much exactly what i expected from the title. it’s a shitty movie with a tiny, poorly written plot that is sewn together with lame 3-d effects. i guess i can’t accurately call them ‘lame’, since i didn’t have 3-d glasses, but unless these glasses also somehow turn shit into awesomeness, then it doesn’t matter. but i think the movie is better than the other two amityville movies i’ve seen, just because by having “3-D” in the title, you don’t expect it to be good or to be taken seriously. it’s just meant to be fun. it really doesn’t even have anything to do with the amityville horror, except that they used a similar looking house. it could have easily been made without any ties to the amityville horror name. there’s one scene i liked. it wasn’t scary or creepy or anything, but it was reminisent of real ghost stories. the daughter drowns in a boat accident, and at the same moment, her mother sees her walking up the stairs, soaking wet, into her room. oops! i gave away some crucial part of the plot!! alright… i know i’m making this movie sound bad, but don’t completely dismiss it. the film had two great actresses in it before they were famous: meg ryan and LORI LOUGHLIN!!! okay… so neither is really great, but i think allison, at least, will appreciate any movie with Rebecca ‘Becky’ Donaldson Katsopolis in it.

11:07 pm

went to see jason webly tonight. hb says he’s a tom waits rip off, but i like him. when he plays live, it’s just him and an accordian or acoustic guitar, but the cd i bought (the new one) has piano, strings, percussion, everything. i would recommend checking him out.

Beneath Loch Ness:

WOW!! imagine anaconda, but take away all the good stuff, add a worse plot, worse dialogue, worse acting, some bad scottish accents, and computer effects reminiscent of star fox for snes, or at best, turok for nintendo 64. yes sir! worst movie so far, and very likely the worst movie i’ll see.

Amityville II: The Possession:

spouse and child abuse, insest, murder, demonic possesion… what more could you want from a movie? this is the best of the amityville series. it’s supposed to be a prequel to the first film, but it never really says if it’s supposed to be before the defeo family bought the house or before the lutz family bought it. either way, it doesn’t work, cuz it would mean two families were murdered in the house, and the first film doesn’t mention this. this film, like amityville 3-d, doesn’t need to be in the amityville series. it really has very little to do with the house or the first movie. it’s basically just about a kid who becomes posessed. the make up effects are pretty cool at times, but at others they just seem like a cheap imitation of regan from the exorcist. the ending sucked. and over all, the writing was bad. if you want to see a weaker version of the exorcist, rent this film.

The Best of the Amityville Horror Series:
1. Amityville II: The Possession
2. Amityville 3-D
3. The Amityville Horror
4. The Amityville Horror (remake)

the theme from the amityville horror is still up there at the top of my all time favorite theme songs list. spooooky!

 

***boy… i was pretty good at writing/spelling in the old days…

scott

movie challenge 2005: chapter 3

some background and chapter 1 is HERE
chapter 2 is HERE

May 4th, 2005

I’m already falling behind schedule. sickness plus the book i’m reading getting interesting equals less time for movies.

an american werewolf in london:

i liked this movie. it had sweet non computer special effects. it was written well, and acted well. however, i’m a sucker for classic monsters, such as werewolves, so others might not like it as much.

an american werewolf in paris:

i guess this is supposedly a sequel, but has nothing to do with the other one at all. except it has werewolves. this was enjoyable too. different than the prequel. this one was less about the dude becoming a werewolf, and more about action. but i didn’t get bored with it, like i do with most action movies, so i guess that’s good. the highlight of this movie is the killer 90’s soundtrack.
check it:

Bush
Refreshments
Better Than Ezra
Cake
Suicide Machines
Skinny Puppy
Caroline’s Spine
Phunk Junkeez

there were others, but i didn’t know who they were, so i didn’t bother listing them.

***get your own copy of the werewolf in paris soundtrack! and listen to it while perusing through other movies with male bondage!

scott