Monthly Archives: December 2009

TOP ELEVEN SINGLES OF 2009

Leave it to me to wait until the very last day of the year to upload my top ten of 2009 list to the blog….and for it not to even be a top ten. Here are my eleven favorite singles released over the course of the last 364 days; this list could easily be very different if it had been written last week or next week, but here’s where I stand as of today, December 31st, 2009:

ANIMAL COLLECTIVE – “MY GIRLS”

This one is sure to be on many indie-ish lists this year, but I feel like I have to include it here, because I like it. It starts off  with Phillip Glass-esque arpeggios, includes massive handclaps and one of the best singalong choruses of the year. And it’s even emotionally resonant to boot. I remember hearing this shortly after it came out at a small basement show BP played in Boone, Iowa. It sounded really great then, and for me it confirmed this song as an instant classic.

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DEPECHE MODE – “WRONG”

I’m a huge Depeche fan, so there was almost no chance that I wouldn’t include a single by them on this list. But favoritism aside, I think “Wrong” is easily one of the band’s strongest songs of the last 15 years. It’s a bit of a grower, lacking an immediate hook like past DM hits, but its repetition, rhythm and forward momentum add up to a great, dark groove. With one of the year’s darkest videos, to boot.

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THE FLAMING LIPS – “WATCHING THE PLANETS”

THE FLAMING LIPS – “WATCHING THE PLANETS”

“Watching The Planets” closes the Lips’ newest record in bombastic fashion; after journeying through Embryonic‘s weird experiments and strange interludes, the listener is greeted by this song, arguably the album’s most straighforward song. An insistent, pounding rhythm underpins Wayne’s chant-like vocals, while twinkly keys add a melancholy touch to the proceedings.

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GIRLS – “HELLHOLE RATRACE”

Girls are my favorite new band of the year, and “Hellhole Ratrace” is my favorite song from their debut album Album. A slow build song a la Spiritualized, “Hellhole” grows from its modest beginnings into a “Hey Jude” for the Noughties. The best chorus of the year, in my opinion:    “And I don’t want to cry my whole life through/I wanna do some laughing, too/So come on, come on, come on, come on and laugh with me/And I don’t want to die/Without shaking up a leg or two/Yeah, I wanna do some dancing too/So come on, come on, come on, come on and dance with me”. Simple, resonant and relateable, these lines become a mantra as wave after wave of sound is added, creating a cathartic effect that once experienced, is hard to forget.

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THE HORRORS – “SEA WITHIN A SEA”

When I first heard of The Horrors a few years ago, I grouped them in with all the other garage-rock bands NME was championing at the time. It wasn’t until Manic Street Preachers said the band’s new album Primary Colours was their favorite of the year that I actually listened. And I glad I did. Behind the haircuts and moody stares is actual musical talent and ambition, as evidenced in “Sea Within A Sea”. Starting as a dark motorik groove, “Sea” takes its time establishing a mood, gradually changing from its initial foreboding to a synth-strewn climax. 2009’s most pleasant surprise for me.

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IAN BROWN – “STELLIFY”

What I really like about “Stellify” is its minimalism. Based mainly around the same simple piano riff and a stomping beat, Ian Brown and his collaborators still manage to create and sustain interest in the song throughout its duration. Brown’s love of hip-hop is fully evident here, and the mid-song horn break adds an ebullient touch to an already uplifting song. When the two elements come together, it creates one of the greatest moments in the man’s solo catalog.

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LADY GAGA – “BAD ROMANCE

Yes, Lady Gaga. I love this song and I love this video. I like some of the singles from her first album, but I feel she’s kicked it up several notches on this one. It’s melodramatic, has a great melody and a big chorus. It almost reminds me of Erasure. I don’t care about the crazy costumes or any of that other crap; as long as she releases singles like this, that’s what really matters.

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MAJOR LAZER ft. RICKY BLAZE & NINA SKY – “KEEP IT GOIN’ LOUDER”

I discovered this song through the brilliant, deranged video directed by Tim and Eric’s Eric Wareheim. And though that was my initial reason for listening to it, I’ve come to love “Keep It Goin’ Louder” based on it on merits. It has a lot of elements that have turned me off of other songs: auto-tune, lyrics about clubbin’…but the way these elements are put together on this track work for me totally. I think it’s the sense of euphoria that underlines the entire song…it makes a line like “Girl I wanna party with you” seem almost life-affirming.

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MORRISSEY – “SOMETHING IS SQUEEZING MY SKULL”

Morrissey’s return to prominence after seven years in the wilderness was one of my favorite music-related stories of the 2000s. “Something Is Squeezing My Skull” was the final single of this decade of renewed activity, and it’s a doozy. A thrashy rocker, “Skull” becomes a classic when Moz’s lyrics of mental instability are thrown into the mix. He manages to make it sound exhilarating and hopeless at the same time.

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OASIS – “FALLING DOWN”

Upon its release in March, I had no idea that “Falling Down” was destined to be Oasis’ final single (at least for now). But if it is to be the band’s last release, it’s an appropriate one. Instead of a rousing anthem or a sing-along ballad, “Falling Down” is instead an uncertain, world-weary slice of psychedelia sung by Noel instead of Liam. I like the idea of the Oasis story ending on a note of doubt and ambiguity; and if this is, indeed, the end, it’s a fitting conclusion.

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YEASAYER – “AMBLING ALP”

Yeasayer is doing what I’d like to do musically – mixing experimental tendencies with pop sensibilities. Their debut album was quite good but I’m really excited for 2010’s Odd Blood if “Ambling Alp” is any indication.


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HONORABLE MENTIONS


– Asobi Seksu – “Familiar Light”

– Bad Lieutentant – “Sink Or Swim”

– Echo & The Bunnymen – “Think I Need It Too”

– eels – “Fresh Blood”

– Franz Ferdinand – “No You Girls”

– Julian Casablancas – “11th Dimension”

– Phoenix – “1901”

– The Prodigy – “Warriors Dance”

– Weezer – “(If You’re Wondering If I Want You To) I Want You To”

– Yeah Yeah Yeahs – “Zero”

On to 2010…

G.

Tim Burton @ MoMA

This is old news, as the exhibition runs Nov 22 – Apr 26, but I didn’t know about it until today.  The exhibition has drawings, paintings and even its own website (http://moma.org/interactives/exhibitions/2009/timburton/index.php).  Looks pretty neat.

These pictures, from artdaily.org, are some of my favorites, but more information can be found at moma.org.

-ninjagarden

My Favorite Movies of ’09

Favorite Movies of ’09

Okay. Here we go…my favorite movies of this year. It’s not exactly complete, as I’m interested in seeing such films as Hurt Locker, The Lovely Bones, Nine, Up, but haven’t been able to. It’ll have to do though. And rather than tear my hair out about if movie A is slightly better than movie B to earn the 5th slot but not quite as good as movie C, so maybe it should be 6th…I’m just going to have a honorable mentions list in no particular order…then my two favorite movies of the year. Also, aside from my top two, this year didn’t seem super strong to me.

Honorable Mentions –

* The Fantastic Mr. Fox – This was the first Wes Anderson movie since The Royal Tenenbaums that I thoroughly enjoyed. I may say it’s my second favorite Anderson movie, next to Rushmore, though I’ll probably need to view it once or twice more to make such a bold statement. It was actually a combination of style and substance, which “The Life Aquatic” and “Darjeeling Express” seemed strictly style and very little substance.

*Visioneers – This was a film that imdb lists as a 2008 release, but I think lacks a distributor and has been doing the festival circuit for the last year and a half. Anyway, it’s a dark satire about modern life, sort of similar to “Brazil.” It’s got Zach Galifianakis in it and he has several good scenes where he goes ballistic. Probably the most underrated film on this list. You can stream it on Netflix, so go do it.

* Anvil! The Story of Anvil – This documentary is the story of two Canadian dudes who have been the band Anvil for about 30 years and are still doing it. Despite being named repeatedly as a hugely influential metal band, they somehow missed their chance back in the 80’s. However, they still continue on and this film documents this, which I found both inspiring and unsettling. Perhaps it’s the fact that I fear I could wind up in a similar position, being 50 and playing for 10 people.

*Tyson – Another documentary for you. This one is pretty straight forward as it’s essentially all interviews with former heavyweight champion Mike Tyson intersperse with news footage and old interviews. I really liked it because, despite Tyson being a sociopath, listening to him give his side, I honestly believe that Tyson wants to be a good person and believes in himself. He just had a fucked up childhood and was then thrown into the spotlight before he was even 20. Also, his vocabulary is a little surprising as he peppers his speech with rather large words, albeit sometimes incorrectly.

*Inglourious Basterds – Kind of like Wes Anderson, this is Quentin Tarantino’s best film in a while. Found it thoroughly entertaining and thought there were some really good performances by Brad Pitt, Til Schweiger, and most of all Christoph Waltz as the bad guy. Though I could have done without Eli Roth.

*Observe and Report – Honestly, I don’t remember a whole lot about this movie, but I remember thinking it was both funny and depressing. So it works for me. Plus I always enjoy Seth Rogen. And after thinking Aziz Ansari wasn’t funny for the longest time, I’ve just recently converted. I give in. I like him.

*District 9 – Ugh. More films on this list? Jesus… Another solid movie. It’s a thinly veiled movie about apartheid. But it’s got some action. Anyway, anytime you have a fairly large budget movie that WASN’T made in Hollywood and DOESN’T have any bankable stars in it but still gets a wide release, it gets my vote.

Now for my top two favorite movies of the year.

* Michael Jackon’s This Is It – While I’m not the biggest Michael Jackson fan I know (that would be my bro, Tony, who I did see the movie with), I still enjoy his work and still feel the need to defend him whenever people start to bash on him. Yes, he was a weirdo and yes, there were some allegations made about him. But he was first a musician/dancer/entertainer and This Is It reminds the viewer that. Essentially the film is pieced together from several days of rehearsal to make a complete live performance. Some might complain it’s not even a dress rehearsal, but whatever, I’m fine with it. If anything, it makes it more real and interesting as several times you get to see Michael’s mind in action as he stops singing to hash out some dance moves. Honestly, I was surprised at how well he voice seemed to hold up as well as his dance moves. It’s just too bad we’ll never get to see Light Man.

* A Serious Man – Okay, I’ll say it. This is my favorite movie of the year. After the Coen’s two films, the decent Intolerable Cruelty and the disappointing The Ladykillers, I thought their best work was behind them. However, with their last few films, I think it’s some of their best stuff. While Burn After Reading isn’t as strong as No Country and Serious Man, I kind of see the films as a trilogy. The Coen’s have definitely approached the issues of morality in everyday life before (Fargo, The Man Who Wasn’t There, The Hudsucker Proxy…umm..I guess most of their stuff), these three really seem to nail it, with A Serious Man being the most interesting to me (not quite ready to say it’s better than No Country as I haven’t seen it since the theater). Their use of no-name actors (aside from that one guy from Spin City and that guy from Chicago Hope) really seems to heighten their examination of everyday life and especially in this third film bringing in religion. It all just worked for me.

CHRISTMAS CAROLZ II

Last year, I provided a selection of Yuletide numbers to help make anyone’s Christmas better/less suicidal. Here’s my playlist for Christmas 2009…please enjoy and drive safe!!!!!

Jimmy Fallon, Horatio Sanz, Julian Casablancas & The Roots – “I Wish It Was Christmas Today”

The Killers – “A Big Red Sled”

Paul McCartney – “Wonderful Christmastime”

Weezer – “Hark The Herald Angels Sing”

Pet Shop Boys – “It Doesn’t Often Snow At Christmas”

The Flaming Lips – “Silent Night”/”Lord, Can You Hear Me?”

Fountains Of Wayne – “The Man In The Santa Suit”

Band Aid 20 – “Do They Know It’s Christmas?”

The California Raisins – “Rudolph The Red-Nosed Reindeer”

Morning Musume – “Christmas Medley”

G.

Top 10 Horror Movies of the 2000s: Part 2

I was originally just going to do a “Top 10 Horror Films of the Past Decade” list. However, once I started getting into it, I changed my mind. Instead of a list that would have focused on only a couple of strong years, I decided to pick the best horror movie from EACH year. Then I realized that there were way more BAD movies, so I figured I should list the best AND the worst from each year.

Although I stand behind this list 100%, I have to begin with a disclaimer: I haven’t seen every horror film from the past decade. This list will obviously include only those movies which I’ve seen. If you think this list is missing some important films (or if you just disagree with the picks) please let me know!
Other notes: Movies were categorized by the U.S. release date. And if the movie was labeled as “Horror” by IMDB, then it was included for consideration. If the movie was released straight to video, it was considered and reminisced about, but was not allowed to take a top spot.

Let’s go!!

Check out Part 1: 2000-2004

2005 BEST:

LAND OF THE DEAD

This is the fourth of George Romero’s “dead series”. I was afraid it was going to be bad, but I was wrong. If you like zombies and stuff, you should watch it.

2005 WORST:

ALONE IN THE DARK

Once again, Uwe Boll saves Rob Zombie from winning the number one slot. I really wanted to put The Devil’s Rejects here, but Jesus… it might take a genius to make a worse film than Alone in the Dark.

Other movies being considered:
Sasquatch Hunters: a direct to video bag of sewage.
Feast: the film made during Project Greenlight 3. Very run of the mill.
Constantine: Awful. If you ever want to be upset, just pop this in.
The Gingerdead Man: Well… it’s obviously bad!
The Amityville Horror: Man… I don’t really care for the original, but this one is quite a bit worse.
High Tension: Lots of people love this one, but I thought it kind of fell flat.
White Noise: Michael Keaton listening to EVP recordings. Not awful.
The Ring Two: Yes… it’s not worth watching.
The Exorcism of Emily Rose: This film is not bad. Probably one of the better movies involving demonic possession.

2006 BEST:

THE DESCENT

This year sucked. It took me a long time to come to a decision on this, and although The Descent is not a movie I would describe as “a great horror film”, overall, it’s a better film than any of the others that I could think of from 2006.

2006 WORST:

THE LAST WINTER

I was sure that See No Evil was going to win. I mean, what can be worse than a generic horror film made be the WWE and starring Kane?! Well… The Last Winter can! At least See No Evil was entertaining…

More movies from 2006:
Dracula’s Curse: “there was a sweet scene where john harker was driving to romania in his little red convertible, while 80’s hair metal was playing.”
The Hills Have Eyes: The original is fun. This one is not fun.
The Omen: Another remake made for no good reason.
Silent Hill: I enjoyed this. Sure, it’s a stupid video game based film, but it has its moments.
Poultrygeist: Night of the Chicken Dead: A troma film. What else do you need to know?
Final Destination 3: This one strays a bit from the story of the other two Final Destination movies, but still maintains the dumb fun of the series.

2007 BEST:

BUG

Crazy people getting CRAZY!! I think this movie deserves more respect than it gets. Give it a shot if you like getting crazy!

2007 WORST:

DIARY OF THE DEAD

GODDAMMIT ROMERO! WHAT HAPPENED?! You’ve let us all down.
HERE’S A REVIEW I WROTE AFTER WATCHING IT!

If you don’t believe me, here’s what Matt had to say:

“I think Scott is really wrong in his appraisal of Diary of the Dead by George Herbert Walker Romero. He makes it seem like it’s pretty bad. He claims the actors seem to have been chosen by ‘lottery’. Whatever. Don’t believe him. The truth is that Diary of the Dead is the
BIGGEST LETDOWN OF ALL TIME”

HERE’S THE REST OF HIS REVIEW

Other movies that were considered:
Grindhouse: Both of these movies were a lot of fun. I would recommend them.
I Am Legend: This movie… ugh. fuck you!
Hostel: Part 2: I challenge anyone to make a bigger waste of time.
Hair Extensions: This is a fun Japanese horror film about killer hair extensions.
28 Weeks Later: I liked this one, but it’s nothing like 28 Days Later. Beware!
[rec]: They remade this and called it Quarantine. Don’t watch that one. Watch this one.
Sweeney Todd: The Demon Barber of Fleet Street: Another fun movie. I guess this year wasn’t too bad?!

2008 BEST:

THE ORPHANAGE (aka el orfanato)

Another Spanish orphanage ghost story, and another winner. No big scary monsters or crazy effects, just effective storytelling.

2008 WORST:

DAY OF THE DEAD

Oh bother. Remakes are always bad. Remakes of classics are especially bad. Remakes that just use the name of an old movie to capitalize, and then put a completely different film underneath, well… they have a special place in hell.

The only other film in the running:
The Happening: this film fits perfectly in the slot between good and bad.

2009 BEST:

DRAG ME TO HELL

Sam Raimi’s return to horror. And what a great return! I was nervous, but this is a really well done film.

2009 WORST:

THE THAW

I didn’t hate this film, however it was obviously a lower budget film, and I tend to give these a lot more leeway. Friday the 13th was also in the running, but was more entertaining overall.

The only other movie I saw this year (sorry):
Let the Right One In: I enjoyed this, but I also had some problems with it. It’s good, though!

Sorry about these last couple of years being so low on contenders. If you know of some really good films that I should watch, please let me know!

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scott

Possibly related posts:

Top 10 Dogs

Nope, not dawgs, just dogs.  Plain and simple.  These dogs rule:

10.  Giant Dog!

9.  Fat Dog!

8. Bulldog!

7.  Sleeping Dog!

6.  Old English Sheep Dog!

5.  Alpacas!  Oops, this isn’t a dog, but they win always.

4.  Pug!

3.  Shar Pei!

2.  Puppies!

1.  Champ!

I guess this had nothing to do with it being the end of 2009.   And being partial to a particular breed is kinda sick, but oh well. These dogs still rule.

-ninjagarden

Top 10 Horror Movies of the 2000s: Part 1

I was originally just going to do a “Top 10 Horror Films of the Past Decade” list. However, once I started getting into it, I changed my mind. Instead of a list that would have focused on only a couple of strong years, I decided to pick the best horror movie from EACH year. Then I realized that there were way more BAD movies, so I figured I should list the best AND the worst from each year.


Although I stand behind this list 100%, I have to preface it with a disclaimer: I haven’t seen every horror film from the past decade. Sorry. This list will obviously include only those movies which I’ve seen. If you think this list is missing some important films (or if you just disagree with the picks) please let me know.


Other notes: These movies were categorized by the U.S. release date, and if the movie was labeled as “Horror” by IMDB, then it was included for consideration. If the movie was released straight to video, it was considered and reminisced about, but was not allowed to take a top spot.


Let’s go!!


2000 BEST:


AMERICAN PSYCHO

A fun movie, set in the 80s, starring Christian Bale as a yuppie investment-banker-serial-killer. Other people involved whom you may or may not care about: Willem Dafoe, Jared Leto, Chloe Sevigny, and Reese Witherspoon.

It’s been a while since I actually saw American Psycho, so I won’t try and write any sort of review. However, I think a handful of the other Noising Machine authors watched it not too long ago. Maybe one of them will comment?

Very close runner ups were Wild Zero (Guitar Wolf vs. Zombies) and Shadow of the Vampire (What “really” went on during the filming of Nosferatu).

2000 WORST:


There were some really weak horror films from this year, but I think it’s fair to say that none were worse than…
DRACULA 2000!! (aka Dracula 2001 in the UK)

From what I remember, this was your classic “bad actors portraying unlikeable characters within a plot that doesn’t work and doing it for far too long” type of movie. Gerard Butler plays Dracula, and it’s directed by the guy who did My Bloody Valentine 3-D.

Here is something that I wrote on June 3rd, 2005, directly after watching. It could almost pass for a review…

*Spoilers!*
“Dracula 2000: with a name like that, how can it be bad?!!? i remember attempting to watch this back in milford. well, not milford, but the upstairs of milford, otherwise known as “austin’s parents’ house”. i fell asleep during the first 20 minutes. luckily, i made it farther this time! barely. so far it seems i do hate dracula. all the movies have been rather boring. i think vampires are cool, and you could do alot with them, but these movies never seem to see it that way. so… it’s the year 2000, and dracula was never destroyed. his corpse was being held prisoner in an indiana jones type tomb inside van helsing’s vault. some theives break into it, hoping it holds treasure. OOPS!! they die. dracula escapes, grabs a trenchcoat (like a true goth), and attempts to reak havok on new orleans, while searching for van helsing’s daughter. they also gave dracula a new origin. turns out he’s judas. doesn’t work for me, sorry.”

And here’s a much better review by my pal Adam:

best part of the movie is when dracula is in new york and looks up to a big screen that has monster magnet playing on it and says: “brilliant”

proof (about the 3:45 mark):

Other movies from 2000 that were considered:
Final Destination: Stupid movie. But fun. Who cares.
The Gift: I honestly don’t remember much about this, but I’d like to watch it again.
Hollow Man: Runner up for worst film, but WAAAY more entertaining than Dracula 2000.
Book of Shadows: Blair Witch 2: not good, but not bad enough. read a review of it here… Blair Witch 2 Review.

2001 BEST:


THE DEVIL’S BACKBONE (or el espinazo del diablo)

A Spanish movie about an orphanage in the late 1930s. There’s a ghost too! It’s directed by Guillermo del Torro and produced by Pedro Almodovar, so it’s classy. However, if you’re looking for a movie with lots of gore and loud things jumping out at you, you’ll be disappointed.

2001 WORST:


JASON X

Alright… so Jason Voorhees, that indestructibly cute guy from the Friday the 13th movies, is cryogenically frozen by the government or something. Then it’s the future and these people discover a body and decide to take it to space and re-animate it. Oops. Now Jason becomes “Jason Voorhees 2099” and pretends to be the alien from Alien and kills everyone.

Honestly, I don’t know if this is the worst movie of 2001. For instance, Jeepers Creepers came out this same year. And in the non-major studio category, you’ve got Session 9, Beneath Loch Ness (read my review here), and Children of the Corn: Revelations (although this was direct to video).

With all this in mind, I chose Jason X because really, everyone should have known better.

Other movies from 2001 that were considered:
Frailty: I don’t remember this too well. So…
Bones: You know… Snoop Dogg… acting… (here’s my review)
The Bunker: German soldiers trapped in a bunker going crazy? (here’s my review)
The Forsaken: “The sexiest vampire film since lost boys,” says the quote on the box…
Hannibal: Oh look. Hannibal Lecter doing things.
Dagon: Based on a Lovecraft story. Cool creatures and environment. Thumbs up.
The Others: Pretty good haunted house film.
From Hell: Jack the Ripper story. Just read the Alan Moore and Eddie Campbell graphic novel that it’s based on.

2002 BEST:


28 DAYS LATER

This is the best zombie movie that is not a zombie movie. Very easy pick, because this film can hold its own against all the horror movies from the decade. That being said, I also enjoyed Darkness (more haunted houses) and Spider (Cronenberg film about a crazy guy) quite a bit.

2002 WORST:


FEAR DOT COM

Yikes. Here’s a review from June 6th, 2005:

“Fear Dot Com: even better title than ‘dracula 2000’!! and the actual website address in the movie is FEARDOTCOM.COM!! movies about the internet are always good. good like a blowjob from a meat grinder. remember how health department employees usually go around investigating murders? remember how hemophiliac children like to play in rusted old steel mills? remember how the internet only reaches as far as the edge of town? yeah. someone should make an internet that can go across the whole world!! and someone shoulda read the script before giving the okay to make this film. call me old fashioned, but i feel that when you write a mystery story, you should make it make sense… and be mysterious. and oh my god!! this film is horrible! everything about it!! worse than all of those independent, no budget, shot on video, straight to dvd releases!! oh man… quite possibly worse than jeepers creepers… no. it IS worse than jeepers creepers. alot worse. fuck. time to kill myself.”

Other movies from 2001 that were considered:
Cabin Fever: Ugh. This movie! Ugh.
Ju-on: Not good. Why did Sam Raimi love it?
Queen of the Damned: Any horror film with a soundtrack done by Jonathan Davis from Korn is… worth… seeing?
Deathwatch: British soldiers going crazy? Pretty good.
Red Dragon: Oh?! Hannibal Lecter is back again? Sort of? Dumb.
Cube 2: Hypercube: Pretty much the same as the first, so if you liked the first, you’ll probably like this one.
Dog Soldiers: Soldiers and werewolves, but not as bad as that sounds.
The Ring: I remember this film to be pretty creepy?
Signs: I also enjoyed this film. The effects were DUMB, though, right?
Resident Evil: Another film I remember liking back when I saw it.
Ghost Ship: Some cool deaths. Not bad if you want to waste a couple hours.

2003 BEST:


DREAMCATCHER

There weren’t a lot of GOOD movies to pick from this year. So, although I liked this movie, it basically won best movie by default. Here’s my 2005 review:

“Dreamcatcher: yet another stevie king story. god, i’m getting sick of him. it’s like half the horror section is comprised of his stories. the screenplay was written by guys who worked on return of the jedi, empire strikes back, raiders of the lost ark, butch cassidy and the sundance kid, and the princess bride. so you can imagine it’s gonna be a bit extravagant. this movie was actually pretty good. ever since first seeing the previews a few years ago, i thought it was gonna be dumb. but i was wrong. it was fun. it’s a survival horror/aliens attack film. if only it had will smith in it, i would give it 2 thumbs up.”

2003 WORST:


HOUSE OF THE DEAD

I’m kind of sad that this movie was actually released in the theater. There were sooo many other bad movies from this year, and they’ll all get ignored because of Uwe Boll’s shitty video game adaptation.

Here are a couple of movies that should have won worst film:
Jeepers Creepers 2: Like the first, but somehow much worse.

House of 1000 Corpses: “The acting is shit, the plot is a mix of a played out idea, and a fucking stupid idea, and the characters are just plain annoying.”

Other considerations:
Detour: “a small group of ravers are coming back from some big rave, when they decide to take a detour to find a large field of pot that is supposedly hidden out in the desert. then some tcm rejects attack them.”
Bloodthirst: Legend of Chupacabras: Awful. But obviously home-made, so somewhat forgivable. Review HERE
Texas Chainsaw Massacre: Remakes are always good…
The Bone Snatcher: just your basic “monster chasing a couple people around in a secluded area” film. Read the review HERE.
Final Destination 2: about as much fun as the first one. You know.
Freddy Vs Jason: well… you’ve got Freddy… and you’ve got Jason. TOGETHER!!
Beyond Re-Animator: Pretty fun movie. Good gore, etc. Review right HERE.
Identity: From what I can remember, it’s fine, but I’ll never feel the need to re-watch it.
Flesh for the Beast: “pretty much your basic soft core film with murder and gut eating.”
Final Examination: “another shitty shit shit slasher film.”

2004 BEST:


SHAUN OF THE DEAD

Yes, it is a comedy. However, it’s also a great zombie film. It can stand along side Romero’s “Dead” family, playing the role of the crazy uncle. Or something.

2004 WORST:


THE FORGOTTEN

I was going to pick Van Helsing, but at least that movie kind of worked within itself. The Forgotten never worked at any point. Jullianne Moore’s child is missing. Or did she ever have a child? What about McNulty? Did he have a child? WHO CARES.

Other movies that could have topped the lists, if they had tried a little harder:
Saw: When this first came out, I was hoping for a delightful maniac serial killer film. Then I watched it. Yuck.
Blood Gnome: Another direct to video, low budget trash bag. HERE’S a quick review.
Curse of the Komodo: Giant komodo dragons and zombie like creatures. Yes, it SOUNDS good. It doesn’t feel good.
Dark Harvest: Oh! A Killer Scarecrow!? How novel.
Dr. Moreau’s House of Pain: People in shitty masks being shitty. Direct to video.
Creature Unknown: “Like an x-files episode written by a 5 year old and stretched to fit into a feature length format.”
Dawn of the Dead: This is one of the few horror movie remakes that turned out alright. Not as good as the original, obviously, but fine.
The Village: I thought this was fun for what it was.
Exorcist: The Beginning: It was fine. Not great. Awful CGI, from what I remember. You only need to watch it if you’re trying to watch the entire franchise.

CHECK OUT PART 2 (2005-2009)!

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scott

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