Monthly Archives: July 2008

Fat Cat

I’m not really into cats, but I found this great video of a fat, stray cat that was found in NJ. I can’t embed BBC videos on WordPress, so I transcribed the video:

She came in yesterday.
It had…
I love her.
It’s huge, just huge.
This is Princess Chunk. She came in yesterday as a stray and she weighs in at 44 pounds.
Let’s see if I can lift her.
Looks bigger and fatter.
Yes, she is.
Can she walk?
Yes, she can walk.
I don’t think she’s going to be able to run anywhere.
We don’t know what her deal is. She came in as a stray.

Princess Chunk

gorgeous art

art by prefab77 and more can be found here. really like.


I very briefly grade all of the Warner Bros. DC Comics movies

* = I like it to some extent, even if has a bad grade

Superman: The Movie (A)
Superman II (A)
Superman III (C)*
Supergirl (C-)*
Superman IV: The Quest For Peace (D)*
Superman Returns (C)

Batman (A)
Batman Returns (A)
Batman Forever (C+)*
Batman & Robin (D)*
Batman Begins (A)
The Dark Knight (A+)

Steel (D)
Catwoman (F)
Constantine (B-)
V For Vendetta (B-)


to the perv who groped me on my way home

Me: caucasian, white yoga capris and tan tank top
you: Latino, 5’8, in your twenties, sports jersey, short hair, mole on your face.

You might have been following me for a while, Mr. Perv, I don’t know – I was on the phone with my mother, venting about my roommate situation (we had to find a new one) and my job search (like, I need a job), when you snuck up behind me, and gently squeezed my ass. Not just the top of my ass, but kinda low, kinda close to my you-know-what, if you know what I mean.

You know, even my boyfriend needs permission to get that close, so having a perfect stranger attempt access so suddenly, so completely out of the blue, triggered my fight-or-flight response. And I *fight*. Did it hurt when I grabbed your collar and punched you in the head? I’m a little worried that I didn’t get enough momentum in my swing to make you feel it, seeing as I’m kinda short (5’2″). But you must have felt bad when you took off running and I chased you down so easily – it’s not that you’re slow, dude, it’s just that I run fast, as you might have suspected from the well-muscled form of my posterior, had you been viewing it with its athletic potential in mind.

It was all worth it when you realized you couldn’t outrun me and so you stopped with your back to me in shame, and I kicked you in your hole. You might not remember, but I said: “Are you sorry? Are you sorry? Say you’re sorry!”, and you did. That was great. Then I said: “run on home, you asshole! Run home!” and you did that, too!

Ladies, these pervs are cowards who run in fear when confronted with any kind of resistance. They are weak and pathetic.

To the two guys who came out of their houses when they heard me yelling – thank you for being so aware and willing to help out-especially – Chris, was it? – who walked me home. It’s great to know the people here care about the safety of others. Thanks so much.

My mom was really worried, because she heard me start swearing and then the phone went dead (I closed it so I could chase the motherf*cker down) and she thought I had been hit by a car. When I told her what happened, she told me not to be so agro, and pointed out that he could of had a knife or something. True. You’re right, mom.

But you’re unlucky if you’re from this neighborhood, Mr. Perv. Cause I’m here ALL THE TIME (no job, remember?) and next time I’ll MACE YOUR FACE.

stolen from craigslist missed connections.


related posts:

God damn my art teacher

I may have told you before about my horoscope conversations I’d have with my art teacher.

I may have told you other things about her.

Here is another. She mentioned that many of her favorite films have a theme of a young girl traveling to a fantasy land and she cited Wizard of Oz, Alice in Wonderland and Labyrinth. “Oh,” I said, “then you must like Mirrormask and Return to Oz.” She responded with, “Huh?” So I let her borrow them, along with The Dark Crystal. Alas, she couldn’t make it all the way through Dark Crystal or Return to Oz because she found them to be too boring but mainly too . . .


Yep, now you know. The Dark Crystal is too old be enjoyed. THANKFULLY, she acknowledged that it was proabably a “great movie in its time.” When I asked what her deal is with old things she blamed the media, and then added that we’re all affected by the media in the same manner.


I asked what movies she likes and her list included Fight Club, The Saint, and “anything with Val Kilmer.” Fuck art teachers.


So, big news: another search engine site has been unveiled that is attempting to rival Google! It was developed by former Google employees and boasts that it completes more effective searches, has more pages in its index and is just way better than Google. I tried out the search engine, Cuil (pronounced “Cool” and meaning knowledge or hazel in Gaelic), and here are my notes.

1. The presentation of the main page is pleasing enough. There are no ads. It’s black, opposed to Google’s white. It’s easy.

2. The name: I’m okay with the idea of looking up the word of what your product is or does and then choosing the translation in the coolest-sounding, ancient language. It’s probably a huge point of excitement or disappointment when you happen to live in a place that speaks the language. Also, I’m kind of tempted to say “Cool-ey” for no reason, other than it is fun to say and my mind sometimes wants to reverse the “i” and “l.”

3. They are still working out the kinks, for sure. I tried this search site using Mac’s Safari browser and it pretty much didn’t work after entering a term on Cuil’s main page. For example, after going to, I typed in “Beati Paoli.” The search results were pretty accurate, showing sites pertaining to both Beati Paoli’s historical meaning and the band. Then I thought to myself that I would research dogs and attempted to type “dogs” in the search bar on the page displaying the Beati Paoli results. BUT, the website would not let me click in the search bar and just kept highlighting the entire page. Uhh…hopefully they get this fixed before you read this post cause not working on Safari is kind of a big deal since I hear Safari is the “world’s best browser.”

4. I tried Cuil using the Firefox browser and everything worked smoothly. I was able to complete subsequent searches and the results came up swimmingly.

5. UNTIL, I tried the simple search “map,” which pulled up this message “Sorry, an error occurred. Please try your search again. If the problem persists, please be assured that our team is working quickly to resolve the issue.” I tried searching for “map” multiple times to see if this was some sort of time-out error on both Safari and Firefox and the same error message appeared. I also tried searching for other terms after searching for maps and they came up fine. So, apparently, people can’t search for the term map right now.

6. The layout is more appealing to me than Google’s. It’s definitely more visual (and busy), with the three columns and thumbnails of a select image, which I’m not sure how it is chosen, from the site. I also enjoy the tabs that sort out popular categories of your search. The Explore By Category looks like it might be useful too.

Conclusion: I will update my homepage to and make a real conclusion in a week!

New Beati Paoli Songs: rabble rouse AND vulgarity drifting diary


i just uploaded two more songs from the upcoming BEATI PAOLI album, “A SENSE OF URGENCY”.

(cd release show is september 5th!).

“RABBLE ROUSE” – first track off the album. joe’s favorite. dance to it.″

“VULGARITY DRIFTING DIARY” – track 5. probably the best song to trip balls to.″

you can also buy these songs from the beati paoli myspace or the noising machine myspace or the “catalog” section of the noising machine website.


in other news….

both The Noising Machine AND Beati Paoli now have FACEBOOK PAGES.
the noising machine:

beati paoli:

so if you do this facebook nonsense, you should probably add both pages.


and speaking of facebook… Beati Paoli also has a profile on for those of you who use that application.

iLike Beati Paoli

so dedicate some songs to your lovers.


……..AND LASTLY……..

you can now purchase Beati Paoli albums and other merchandise online. just look for the “buy now” links on the noising machine myspace, the beati paoli myspace, and the noising machine website



korg ds-10 video

remeber matt’s post about the virtual synth for nintendo ds??

well… here’s a demo video:

it looks like a load of fun, but i’m still not sure if it’s practical at all. i’ve got a bunch of soft-synths on my computer, and it seems to me that the only way to get the most out of them is through a midi controller with a ton of nobs or sliders. so… although it sounds really good, and it looks pretty, i’d still recommend plenty of other programs over this baby.


Search Engine Terms

As I am currently in the UK (and currently watching ‘The Shining’ on TV and currently getting creeped out by those goddamn twins, but that’s beside the point), I have been (un)noticeably absent from the blog.

I thought about continuing the Scott/Natalie tradition of posting a daily entry of my British travels, but let’s face it: I’m lazy. So instead I have decided to post the search engine terms that have led people to this site, which I have been collecting for the past month or so. You see, I wasn’t aware that websites were privy to that sort of information until we started up The Noising Machine. It’s kind of strange what sort of words and phrases for which people search the internet. So here are the highlights, or if you prefer, lowlights.

doritos history corn toasted
gross mario
+painted ladies +des moines +80/35 +phot
girls with big butts and naked
zombie clown diary dead
animal and same-sex marriage
obama nude (4 searches)
saul mirsky (6 searches)
classic car mustache man
funky white boys quote
electrocution sounds
ringo starr is an asshole
sickest films amityville ii
ape sex
rainforest babes hot sex
top 10 creepy things about mario
barf sound machine
april ‘o’ neil is fucked by the shredder
scott is not a cunt
machine to make doritos
link and zelda have sex
massive mammaries
mario vs hannah montana
asian guy from karate kid
rag basketball reading rainbow video
my brother love’s myspace youtube
great tit sounds
what happened to tree man on tlc?

I can only hope we haven’t ruined Saul Mirksy’s (Natalie’s father) reputation with this blog.


Exploding Dells

So, continuing the Mac vs PC debate, or Mac-bashing, I will write about the exploding Dells of 2006. I only vaguely remember this news story and was curious to see what exactly was going on w/ these exploding laptops…two years later.

It looks like the cause of the explosions, which occurred about six times according to an Aug 2006 article, were faulty Sony batteries. The batteries for millions of laptops were recalled, just like hundreds of products that are recalled every year for one potentially hazardous reason or another. The end.