Category Archives: reviews

Audio Recommendations 2

Struggling to keep my new year’s resolution.

Part 1  is HERE.

Okay. I promise to put at least one 2011 album in each of these recommendation posts. Here it is:

Jonathan Richman’s O Moon, Queen of Night on Earth. More of the same from this beautiful man. Which is a good thing. What else would you want?

Here’s a song about poseurs. It’s called “My Affected Accent”.

and here he is performing it live:



You guys have listened to The xx’s self-titled album, right? Well I hadn’t. Whoops. It’s good.

This is “Basic Space”. Love the rhythms.



Here’s a classic that I’d never listened to. Nina Simone’s Finest Hour.

Although it sounds like a musical at times, “Mississippi Goddam” is brutal. So much passion/emotion. Very real.



And I’m gonna throw in a classic that’s been getting a lot of play. Lifter Puller’s Soft Rock [disc 1]. This is a collection of everything except their last album.

The song’s called “Viceburgh”…

tiger can’t talk he’s got shoes to shine, said it’s pretty dry
we could try the guy up on first and fifty-ninth if he’s still alive
the callgirl stalls and lets her voicemail take it
she says hey i ain’t here besides i quit that business
the door was locked so we knocked on the next one
and here’s this guy he’s got a bullet-proof vest on
said you guys look desparate,Ill give you an address
said you guys look gorgeous, dig all that blistex


ps- for other recommendations, check out the features: Canon Sonique and Stuck on Repeat.

Audio Recommendations

So my resolution this year is to listen to more music. Yes, I realize this is like a heroin addict resolving to shoot up twice as much as he did the previous wasted year. However… I’m also resolving to listen to more NEW music, which is something I really slacked off on in 2010.

Here is where I tell the world about it…

For the most part, I’m not going to write reviews about this stuff. I’ll just point you guys in the right direction. If I post it, that means I think it’s good. Give it a listen and tell me I’m wrong. I dare you!

First off, I’m already falling behind on the new music thing. The only new album I’ve listened to is Bright Eyes’ new album, “The People’s Key”. This album isn’t out yet (it’s scheduled for release 2/15). Whoops! But you can hear it for free, and in it’s entirety, on NPR, so don’t feel bad.

Okay… so here’s the first track, “Firewall”. Like on most Bright Eyes albums (if not all?) it begins with some spoken word nonsense. This time, the atmospheric composition behind the vocal sample begs for these boys to attempt an entire ambient album. Maybe I’ll suggest that.

Oh yes… and any song that references a Macaw named Jules Verne might automatically end up in my favorites pile.

Next up… Nocturama, the Nick Cave and the Bad Seeds’ 2003 release.

It really digs its claws in. Here’s “He Wants You”:

Another one that I’ve been listening to for WEEKS now is Angelo Badalamenti’s Twin Peaks Soundtrack.

So mysterious! I was going to just post the theme, since it’s so good, but I decided to put “Audrey’s Dance (Instrumental)” up instead.

And finally… you guys should listen to The Gorillaz latest album, Plastic Beach. It’s the best Gorillaz album so far.

It was hard to pick which song would represent the album the best. So I just chose my current favorite, “White Flag”, featuring Bashy, Kano, and the Lebanese National Orchestra for Oriental Arabic Music.


ps- for other recommendations, check out the features: Canon Sonique and Stuck on Repeat.

FILMS 08162010

here are some films that i’m currently interested in seeing.

this one is called MONSTERS which for me conjures not only MONSTERS (like in cloverfield, godzilla, and monsters inc, naturally, HA) but also MONSTER (as in CHARLIZE THERON, but not like this, more like this). cool!

the story follows a journalist who is sent to retrieve his boss’s daughter (BUMMER) after a NASA PROBE crashes in mexico with some sort of foreign life attached to it.  i’ve posted the trailer below.

wait, a NASA PROBE????????? cool! i don’t think the trailer looks that good, but the following clip, as well as the knowledge that it was filmed with only 5 crew members on a very small budget makes me very interested in seeing the film.

the second film i’m reasonably interested in seeing is called CATFISH, and it sounds absolutely banal, except it was a darling at sundance (you can read this rave review). i mean, how many movies get a grade of A+?? only babe, pig in the city, according to roger ebert (review here). anyway, catfish is about FACEBOOK but it’s not the facebook movie (sigh), wait HA. guys who am i kidding, what’s the deal with this facebook movie anyway? what a gem of an idea!

here’s the CATFISH trailer.

i have to say, i am definitely INTRIGUED.


news with natalie

here is a new feature I am working on AT THE MOMENT. it is called news with natalie and it is the news.

here is today’s RUNDOWN.

swine flu is over! if you didn’t get a vaccine, finally you can go outside! no one overreacted about this pandemic AT ALL. be careful!

WAIT. a dramatic video containing a car crash on a RACETRACK? this does sound dramatic! click through to see the drama! see it?

one last thing–if you haven’t seen EAT PRAY LOVE, don’t! you MIGHT want to check this out, though:
it does look like an absolute delight.

i love you.



(These Netflix user reviews are presented here unedited and with their corresponding star rating.)


Adults will probably not enjoy this movie much because it is very unrealistic. Also, because the whole chimpanzee thing has been overdone. However, younger viewers would probably really enjoy this. If you have young kids, give this a whirl, if not, look elsewhere for a good movie.


Talents are obvious. With all of the hipe these days about girl detectives you may be tempted to try this movie. If you’re an adult, don’t. It’s 75% chimp and his tricks, 20% Dad the chimp partner, & 5% young girl who is suppose to be super smart. Good stuff if you’re under 9 years old.


A cute but silly and campy movie. My children liked it but personally I liked Dunstan Checks In a lot better.


As an adult viewer, I found this movie very cheesy. My 7-year-old, however, LOVES it! He did figure out the jist of the plot very early on, but he enjoyed the fact that he could pick out who were the bad guys and what they were up to. Emma Roberts, from Nickelodeon’s Unfabulous, is in this movie and is thus a recognizable face to us. Pat Morita makes a small appearance that generated big laughs from my son. Bottom line, animal + kid in the main plot = very enjoyable for kids to watch. As I said, I found it to be very cheesy, but I still liked it – just not as much as my son!


A chimpanzee is not a monkey. Its an ape. I dont know why people always get this confused. Apes are our closest relatives! Either way, Emma Roberts is a doll.


8 year old says its cool, even though he rolled his eyes a few times as well. A movie that adults may want to watch with a book or a second task as well, so you aren’t bored. Very fine to just put it in and let kids watch alone. Adult viewpoint: 2.5. Child 4. Not as cool as some spy flicks & we couldn’t really figure out how or why the circus people had to be involved.


My 7-year old son and his cousins (ages 9 and 6)loved it. They wanted to watch it again immediately after their first viewing. My son was upset when he found out I had returned it.


My children twin 8 year old girls LOVED this film. The Monkey was hillarious! Emma Roberts (the lead) was smart and a good scientist, she was very confident and brave. We recommend this to kids 7+.


This was a great movie for ages five to 50. It was wonderful to sit and watch this movie with my two grandsons, even with all the laughs.


A good family movie, my 10 year old kept saying the monkey had some real skills. We all enjoyed it!


best movie ever!!!! so cool, i love spies(im 9), and the monkey, WOW!!!! if you dont like this movie, you are crazy. no cursing or gore.


If the movie is that bad It mustve been made in the 80s or the 90s or the 70s!!!


It was very funny. A monkey named Binky has to save his old spy partner and his daughter, Ameilia. It’s amazing how a monkey can do so many things: snowboarding, kung-fu fighting, acrobatics… Although some computer animation was used, it still was a great movie.


SPY MATE is the most funniest mosvie ever. its all about a monkey who saves the world! who dosent like that?


This was the best movie ever. My whole family loved it.Well i mean everybody that watched it. Today is my birthday and I watched it on my birthday too. This is one of my best birthdays. I defintly would recomend this to you. I know youll love it.


MOVIE REVIEW: THIRST by Park Chan-wook

Trust Park Chan-wook to actually do something with vampires just as we find ourselves in the midst of Twilight‘s treacly soap operatics. Considering the South Korean director’s unflinching depictions of violence and penchant for pitch-black humor, it’s actually surprising it’s taken him this long to try the genre on for size. Thirst is Park’s first American release since the conclusion of his revenge film cycle, a series consisting of Sympathy For Mr. Vengeance, Oldboy, and Sympathy For Lady Vengeance and dubbed, appropriately, the Vengeance trilogy. These films (Oldboy especially) provided him with an international audience enamored with his talent for beautifully framing and photographing acts of violence, as well as his skill for portraying morally ambiguous, existential tragedies.

Thirst introduces us to Sang-hyun (Park regular Song Kang-hoo), a devout priest who volunteers for an experimental procedure in order to cure the Emmanuel Virus, a disease that kills anyone who contracts it. Miraculously he survives, and upon returning to his parish finds himself worshipped as a messiah by members of his congregation. This newfound celebrity brings Sang-hyun back into contact with a childhood friend and his friend’s young wife Tae-ju (Kim Ok-bin), with whom he becomes smitten. Soon after, Sang-hyun suddenly dies from the delayed effects of EV, only to be resurrected the following day with a newfound lust for blood (and other earthly desires).

Song portrays Sang-hyun as a deeply conflicted man, one who finds it hard to understand the evils of the world. On finding himself turned into a creature of the night, he’s initially exhilarated and uses the transformation to indulge in previously forbidden vices. All the while, Song plays the priest with an nearly blank expression, deftly reigning in any grandstanding or scenery-chewing that other, lesser actors may have succumbed to. He allows the audience to read the emotions on his face, however subtle they may be.

But as good as Song Kang-hoo is, the real star of the Thirst is Kim Ok-bin ,whose performance as Tae-ju fills in the major chords left unplayed by Song Kang-hoo’s more reserved portrayal. Ok-bin is a victim of circumstance, forced to marry her infantile husband for lack of options. Sang-hyun acts as a catalyst in her life; his presence allows her to tap into her dormant sexuality and as a result Tae-ju sees him as a means of escape from every aspect of her dreary life. She’s not even that unnerved when she finds out Sang-hyun’s secret; rather, she encourages his worst impulses.

As the film progresses, Tae-ju is changed from a mousy doorstop into a bloodthirsty maniac who revels in the same acts Sang-hyun begins to despise. He makes bad choices based on false information provided by her, and these choices allow her to dominate the increasingly guilt-stricken Sang-hyun. Kim only began acting professionally in 2005, but here displays an ability far in excess of her limited experience.

Thirst might not stay with you in the same way the Vengeance trilogy does. The plot doesn’t cover much new ground when it comes to the vampire genre, and it doesn’t possess the same thematic breadth of the aforementioned works. But the film is so well-shot and acted that this is largely a moot point. To paraphrase Roger Ebert, a film is not so much what it’s about as how it’s about. While many might be able to make a perfectly servicable film out of Thirst’s script, ultimately it’s Park Chan-wook’s unique vision and the superlative performance of his two leads that make the finished product as special as it is.


What kind of Demon was in Paranormal Activities


If you watch closely u will see there is acutely Two different things. My reasoning: At first the “thing” Could only get into the house. One from the stairs and the other from the roof;Then during the activity in the room one was trying to get the girl, and the other was trying to posses the girl; And then more proof was when they did the board thing, not only did it prove its a ghost but that it was strong enough to incarnate fire. If this was a “alien” or something it would not have done that. To be honest if this was real it would be more like this. Angels (roof dude) Vs demon (possessor and one coming from stairs) Fighting over her soul, or just trying to get her. Or Alien (the feet) vs Ghost (umm…ghost lol) Trying to get her. Here is my reasons for th AvD. We have no idea what angels look like, they could have weird feet like that lol, and then the demon because of the board thing and the possessing. AvG; The foot thing can prove it was an alien not a ghost, and the shadow thing, if u look into a camouflage that can give invisibility is by Bending light around the body. This will give the wearer invis, and no one can see them, BUT! just because the light is bent around them doesn’t mean it will not cast a shadow that is able to be picked up by the camera. Now for the ghost, the board thing kinda give it that, and the possessing thing and the fact it didn’t always cast a shadow. When she was possessed both times, no physical action was recorded, but when a shadow was casted there was. Showing there was not one but 2 or more beings after her. ..>< More to add to Demon/Ghost. The Photo, Demon’s are said to feed on fear and all that stuff, they would have planted that to strike fear into her and gain more power. >>>><<<<<<!!! To add to alien, he/she/it could have “tagged” her and just then found her, and the photo was a test to see if it was really her. On a side note, Alien’s Tech could cause this “Feeling” Psychics get from “Ghost/Demons” So it cant not be said that it was not a alien.

borrowed from here.


Lady Gaga 1/10 Rosemont Theater

There was a lot a lot of drama that happened before the show.  Originally, the show was supposed to take place at the downtown Chicago Theatre.  It was a mad, panicked scramble to get tickets, but, somehow, I managed to get four through Ticketmaster the minute they went on sale.  Anyway, said tickets were actually pretty decent (main floor, part way back) and the dudes and I were pretty excited.  Then, calamity ensued, as the show was abruptly moved to the far off suburbs at the Rosemont Theatre.  Ugh.  Instead of transferring tickets to comparable seats, Ticketmaster gave pre-existing ticket holders a password to a pre-sale, a pre-sale with ONLY obstructed-view seats.  Cool.  So, everyone was super pissed and the papers and blogs wrote about it, and all of Chicago (and Detroit) pretty much thinks Lady Gaga is a huge douche (see: forum; wait, i mean see: forum drama). 

Okay, so a lot of people wrote on her website’s forum about this travesty, and pretty much she decided that she loves censorship, so she pulled the plug on the forum a day or two before she came to Chicago.  That’s cool. 

But anyway, me and the dudes grudgingly went to the concert and sat in our seats, which were four rows from the back row of the balcony.  Thanks, Ticketmaster and Lady Gaga!  Anyway, the opening acts were kind of annoying and it’s kind of sad this is what they came up with to replace Kid Cudi after it was decided that he’s too much of a liability.  The first act struck me as super NYC (maybe because they kept saying stuff like m’fing NYC or something along those lines), but Semi Precious Weapons is a glam-rock, scream-y, not-that-great band that also played with Lady Gaga in 2006 to a crowd of 12.  The second opening act, Jason Derülo, has the song that “heavily samples” Imogen Heap.  His act seemed a little conceited (side note: I read that he requested a lot of crazy shit, like smoke and lights, but such things were denied for him.).  I didn’t like how he plucked a girl from the audience and sang to her and said to her in front of the whole audience how she’ll always be his baby or something like that. 

Anyway…after enduring the poor choices for opening acts, Lady Gaga appeared, or I mean her thirty-foot image on a giant, sheer screen.  It was actually one of the better hype-y opening art things I’ve seen at a concert.  She eventually appeared behind the screen, and eventually the screen was lifted.  She performed most of her songs from her two albums and played for 1 hour and 45 minutes.  Compared to the other tour nights, she supposedly cut the Sunday performance by 2 songs, but this is just according to 2 hipster dudes at the train stop.  As expected, there was a lot of choreographed dancing, and about 5 costume changes.  She also shot a gun at the audience.  Y’know cause she wanted to tell everyone how much she doesn’t care if you don’t like her.  She talked a lot to fill the gaps of her small catalog.  Mostly, she talked about how much she loves her “little monsters” and how much she hates money.  Her talking voice struck me as very slightly British sounding, but also very pleasant.  It wasn’t the best thing in the world, but I had  fun and enjoyed the fact that she didn’t lip sync her performance.

Side note:  the Rosemont Theatre doesn’t know how to organize transportation.  There were 10 cabs after the concert got out and no more appeared, because I guess they didn’t catch on after the first two days that hundreds of people would be wanting to go home.  After waiting outside for 15 minutes, we found one cab and asked him to drive us to the train, but he told us that we could just walk since 1.5 miles in the literally below zero weather isn’t that far, and that he only wanted to take people all the way to the city.  At least my roommate told the driver to go f himself.  I liked walking that far and then watching 4 northbound trains go by while waiting another 15-20 minutes for a southbound train.  Did this really long review actually have anything to do with the concert?  I guess I’ll add that she didn’t wear the Alexander McQueen 10’ armadillo shoes.  Setlist (someone should correct this if it’s wrong):

Top 10 Horror Movies of the 2000s: Part 2

I was originally just going to do a “Top 10 Horror Films of the Past Decade” list. However, once I started getting into it, I changed my mind. Instead of a list that would have focused on only a couple of strong years, I decided to pick the best horror movie from EACH year. Then I realized that there were way more BAD movies, so I figured I should list the best AND the worst from each year.

Although I stand behind this list 100%, I have to begin with a disclaimer: I haven’t seen every horror film from the past decade. This list will obviously include only those movies which I’ve seen. If you think this list is missing some important films (or if you just disagree with the picks) please let me know!
Other notes: Movies were categorized by the U.S. release date. And if the movie was labeled as “Horror” by IMDB, then it was included for consideration. If the movie was released straight to video, it was considered and reminisced about, but was not allowed to take a top spot.

Let’s go!!

Check out Part 1: 2000-2004

2005 BEST:


This is the fourth of George Romero’s “dead series”. I was afraid it was going to be bad, but I was wrong. If you like zombies and stuff, you should watch it.

2005 WORST:


Once again, Uwe Boll saves Rob Zombie from winning the number one slot. I really wanted to put The Devil’s Rejects here, but Jesus… it might take a genius to make a worse film than Alone in the Dark.

Other movies being considered:
Sasquatch Hunters: a direct to video bag of sewage.
Feast: the film made during Project Greenlight 3. Very run of the mill.
Constantine: Awful. If you ever want to be upset, just pop this in.
The Gingerdead Man: Well… it’s obviously bad!
The Amityville Horror: Man… I don’t really care for the original, but this one is quite a bit worse.
High Tension: Lots of people love this one, but I thought it kind of fell flat.
White Noise: Michael Keaton listening to EVP recordings. Not awful.
The Ring Two: Yes… it’s not worth watching.
The Exorcism of Emily Rose: This film is not bad. Probably one of the better movies involving demonic possession.

2006 BEST:


This year sucked. It took me a long time to come to a decision on this, and although The Descent is not a movie I would describe as “a great horror film”, overall, it’s a better film than any of the others that I could think of from 2006.

2006 WORST:


I was sure that See No Evil was going to win. I mean, what can be worse than a generic horror film made be the WWE and starring Kane?! Well… The Last Winter can! At least See No Evil was entertaining…

More movies from 2006:
Dracula’s Curse: “there was a sweet scene where john harker was driving to romania in his little red convertible, while 80’s hair metal was playing.”
The Hills Have Eyes: The original is fun. This one is not fun.
The Omen: Another remake made for no good reason.
Silent Hill: I enjoyed this. Sure, it’s a stupid video game based film, but it has its moments.
Poultrygeist: Night of the Chicken Dead: A troma film. What else do you need to know?
Final Destination 3: This one strays a bit from the story of the other two Final Destination movies, but still maintains the dumb fun of the series.

2007 BEST:


Crazy people getting CRAZY!! I think this movie deserves more respect than it gets. Give it a shot if you like getting crazy!

2007 WORST:


GODDAMMIT ROMERO! WHAT HAPPENED?! You’ve let us all down.

If you don’t believe me, here’s what Matt had to say:

“I think Scott is really wrong in his appraisal of Diary of the Dead by George Herbert Walker Romero. He makes it seem like it’s pretty bad. He claims the actors seem to have been chosen by ‘lottery’. Whatever. Don’t believe him. The truth is that Diary of the Dead is the


Other movies that were considered:
Grindhouse: Both of these movies were a lot of fun. I would recommend them.
I Am Legend: This movie… ugh. fuck you!
Hostel: Part 2: I challenge anyone to make a bigger waste of time.
Hair Extensions: This is a fun Japanese horror film about killer hair extensions.
28 Weeks Later: I liked this one, but it’s nothing like 28 Days Later. Beware!
[rec]: They remade this and called it Quarantine. Don’t watch that one. Watch this one.
Sweeney Todd: The Demon Barber of Fleet Street: Another fun movie. I guess this year wasn’t too bad?!

2008 BEST:

THE ORPHANAGE (aka el orfanato)

Another Spanish orphanage ghost story, and another winner. No big scary monsters or crazy effects, just effective storytelling.

2008 WORST:


Oh bother. Remakes are always bad. Remakes of classics are especially bad. Remakes that just use the name of an old movie to capitalize, and then put a completely different film underneath, well… they have a special place in hell.

The only other film in the running:
The Happening: this film fits perfectly in the slot between good and bad.

2009 BEST:


Sam Raimi’s return to horror. And what a great return! I was nervous, but this is a really well done film.

2009 WORST:


I didn’t hate this film, however it was obviously a lower budget film, and I tend to give these a lot more leeway. Friday the 13th was also in the running, but was more entertaining overall.

The only other movie I saw this year (sorry):
Let the Right One In: I enjoyed this, but I also had some problems with it. It’s good, though!

Sorry about these last couple of years being so low on contenders. If you know of some really good films that I should watch, please let me know!

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Possibly related posts:

Top 10 Horror Movies of the 2000s: Part 1

I was originally just going to do a “Top 10 Horror Films of the Past Decade” list. However, once I started getting into it, I changed my mind. Instead of a list that would have focused on only a couple of strong years, I decided to pick the best horror movie from EACH year. Then I realized that there were way more BAD movies, so I figured I should list the best AND the worst from each year.

Although I stand behind this list 100%, I have to preface it with a disclaimer: I haven’t seen every horror film from the past decade. Sorry. This list will obviously include only those movies which I’ve seen. If you think this list is missing some important films (or if you just disagree with the picks) please let me know.

Other notes: These movies were categorized by the U.S. release date, and if the movie was labeled as “Horror” by IMDB, then it was included for consideration. If the movie was released straight to video, it was considered and reminisced about, but was not allowed to take a top spot.

Let’s go!!

2000 BEST:


A fun movie, set in the 80s, starring Christian Bale as a yuppie investment-banker-serial-killer. Other people involved whom you may or may not care about: Willem Dafoe, Jared Leto, Chloe Sevigny, and Reese Witherspoon.

It’s been a while since I actually saw American Psycho, so I won’t try and write any sort of review. However, I think a handful of the other Noising Machine authors watched it not too long ago. Maybe one of them will comment?

Very close runner ups were Wild Zero (Guitar Wolf vs. Zombies) and Shadow of the Vampire (What “really” went on during the filming of Nosferatu).

2000 WORST:

There were some really weak horror films from this year, but I think it’s fair to say that none were worse than…
DRACULA 2000!! (aka Dracula 2001 in the UK)

From what I remember, this was your classic “bad actors portraying unlikeable characters within a plot that doesn’t work and doing it for far too long” type of movie. Gerard Butler plays Dracula, and it’s directed by the guy who did My Bloody Valentine 3-D.

Here is something that I wrote on June 3rd, 2005, directly after watching. It could almost pass for a review…

“Dracula 2000: with a name like that, how can it be bad?!!? i remember attempting to watch this back in milford. well, not milford, but the upstairs of milford, otherwise known as “austin’s parents’ house”. i fell asleep during the first 20 minutes. luckily, i made it farther this time! barely. so far it seems i do hate dracula. all the movies have been rather boring. i think vampires are cool, and you could do alot with them, but these movies never seem to see it that way. so… it’s the year 2000, and dracula was never destroyed. his corpse was being held prisoner in an indiana jones type tomb inside van helsing’s vault. some theives break into it, hoping it holds treasure. OOPS!! they die. dracula escapes, grabs a trenchcoat (like a true goth), and attempts to reak havok on new orleans, while searching for van helsing’s daughter. they also gave dracula a new origin. turns out he’s judas. doesn’t work for me, sorry.”

And here’s a much better review by my pal Adam:

best part of the movie is when dracula is in new york and looks up to a big screen that has monster magnet playing on it and says: “brilliant”

proof (about the 3:45 mark):

Other movies from 2000 that were considered:
Final Destination: Stupid movie. But fun. Who cares.
The Gift: I honestly don’t remember much about this, but I’d like to watch it again.
Hollow Man: Runner up for worst film, but WAAAY more entertaining than Dracula 2000.
Book of Shadows: Blair Witch 2: not good, but not bad enough. read a review of it here… Blair Witch 2 Review.

2001 BEST:

THE DEVIL’S BACKBONE (or el espinazo del diablo)

A Spanish movie about an orphanage in the late 1930s. There’s a ghost too! It’s directed by Guillermo del Torro and produced by Pedro Almodovar, so it’s classy. However, if you’re looking for a movie with lots of gore and loud things jumping out at you, you’ll be disappointed.

2001 WORST:


Alright… so Jason Voorhees, that indestructibly cute guy from the Friday the 13th movies, is cryogenically frozen by the government or something. Then it’s the future and these people discover a body and decide to take it to space and re-animate it. Oops. Now Jason becomes “Jason Voorhees 2099” and pretends to be the alien from Alien and kills everyone.

Honestly, I don’t know if this is the worst movie of 2001. For instance, Jeepers Creepers came out this same year. And in the non-major studio category, you’ve got Session 9, Beneath Loch Ness (read my review here), and Children of the Corn: Revelations (although this was direct to video).

With all this in mind, I chose Jason X because really, everyone should have known better.

Other movies from 2001 that were considered:
Frailty: I don’t remember this too well. So…
Bones: You know… Snoop Dogg… acting… (here’s my review)
The Bunker: German soldiers trapped in a bunker going crazy? (here’s my review)
The Forsaken: “The sexiest vampire film since lost boys,” says the quote on the box…
Hannibal: Oh look. Hannibal Lecter doing things.
Dagon: Based on a Lovecraft story. Cool creatures and environment. Thumbs up.
The Others: Pretty good haunted house film.
From Hell: Jack the Ripper story. Just read the Alan Moore and Eddie Campbell graphic novel that it’s based on.

2002 BEST:


This is the best zombie movie that is not a zombie movie. Very easy pick, because this film can hold its own against all the horror movies from the decade. That being said, I also enjoyed Darkness (more haunted houses) and Spider (Cronenberg film about a crazy guy) quite a bit.

2002 WORST:


Yikes. Here’s a review from June 6th, 2005:

“Fear Dot Com: even better title than ‘dracula 2000’!! and the actual website address in the movie is FEARDOTCOM.COM!! movies about the internet are always good. good like a blowjob from a meat grinder. remember how health department employees usually go around investigating murders? remember how hemophiliac children like to play in rusted old steel mills? remember how the internet only reaches as far as the edge of town? yeah. someone should make an internet that can go across the whole world!! and someone shoulda read the script before giving the okay to make this film. call me old fashioned, but i feel that when you write a mystery story, you should make it make sense… and be mysterious. and oh my god!! this film is horrible! everything about it!! worse than all of those independent, no budget, shot on video, straight to dvd releases!! oh man… quite possibly worse than jeepers creepers… no. it IS worse than jeepers creepers. alot worse. fuck. time to kill myself.”

Other movies from 2001 that were considered:
Cabin Fever: Ugh. This movie! Ugh.
Ju-on: Not good. Why did Sam Raimi love it?
Queen of the Damned: Any horror film with a soundtrack done by Jonathan Davis from Korn is… worth… seeing?
Deathwatch: British soldiers going crazy? Pretty good.
Red Dragon: Oh?! Hannibal Lecter is back again? Sort of? Dumb.
Cube 2: Hypercube: Pretty much the same as the first, so if you liked the first, you’ll probably like this one.
Dog Soldiers: Soldiers and werewolves, but not as bad as that sounds.
The Ring: I remember this film to be pretty creepy?
Signs: I also enjoyed this film. The effects were DUMB, though, right?
Resident Evil: Another film I remember liking back when I saw it.
Ghost Ship: Some cool deaths. Not bad if you want to waste a couple hours.

2003 BEST:


There weren’t a lot of GOOD movies to pick from this year. So, although I liked this movie, it basically won best movie by default. Here’s my 2005 review:

“Dreamcatcher: yet another stevie king story. god, i’m getting sick of him. it’s like half the horror section is comprised of his stories. the screenplay was written by guys who worked on return of the jedi, empire strikes back, raiders of the lost ark, butch cassidy and the sundance kid, and the princess bride. so you can imagine it’s gonna be a bit extravagant. this movie was actually pretty good. ever since first seeing the previews a few years ago, i thought it was gonna be dumb. but i was wrong. it was fun. it’s a survival horror/aliens attack film. if only it had will smith in it, i would give it 2 thumbs up.”

2003 WORST:


I’m kind of sad that this movie was actually released in the theater. There were sooo many other bad movies from this year, and they’ll all get ignored because of Uwe Boll’s shitty video game adaptation.

Here are a couple of movies that should have won worst film:
Jeepers Creepers 2: Like the first, but somehow much worse.

House of 1000 Corpses: “The acting is shit, the plot is a mix of a played out idea, and a fucking stupid idea, and the characters are just plain annoying.”

Other considerations:
Detour: “a small group of ravers are coming back from some big rave, when they decide to take a detour to find a large field of pot that is supposedly hidden out in the desert. then some tcm rejects attack them.”
Bloodthirst: Legend of Chupacabras: Awful. But obviously home-made, so somewhat forgivable. Review HERE
Texas Chainsaw Massacre: Remakes are always good…
The Bone Snatcher: just your basic “monster chasing a couple people around in a secluded area” film. Read the review HERE.
Final Destination 2: about as much fun as the first one. You know.
Freddy Vs Jason: well… you’ve got Freddy… and you’ve got Jason. TOGETHER!!
Beyond Re-Animator: Pretty fun movie. Good gore, etc. Review right HERE.
Identity: From what I can remember, it’s fine, but I’ll never feel the need to re-watch it.
Flesh for the Beast: “pretty much your basic soft core film with murder and gut eating.”
Final Examination: “another shitty shit shit slasher film.”

2004 BEST:


Yes, it is a comedy. However, it’s also a great zombie film. It can stand along side Romero’s “Dead” family, playing the role of the crazy uncle. Or something.

2004 WORST:


I was going to pick Van Helsing, but at least that movie kind of worked within itself. The Forgotten never worked at any point. Jullianne Moore’s child is missing. Or did she ever have a child? What about McNulty? Did he have a child? WHO CARES.

Other movies that could have topped the lists, if they had tried a little harder:
Saw: When this first came out, I was hoping for a delightful maniac serial killer film. Then I watched it. Yuck.
Blood Gnome: Another direct to video, low budget trash bag. HERE’S a quick review.
Curse of the Komodo: Giant komodo dragons and zombie like creatures. Yes, it SOUNDS good. It doesn’t feel good.
Dark Harvest: Oh! A Killer Scarecrow!? How novel.
Dr. Moreau’s House of Pain: People in shitty masks being shitty. Direct to video.
Creature Unknown: “Like an x-files episode written by a 5 year old and stretched to fit into a feature length format.”
Dawn of the Dead: This is one of the few horror movie remakes that turned out alright. Not as good as the original, obviously, but fine.
The Village: I thought this was fun for what it was.
Exorcist: The Beginning: It was fine. Not great. Awful CGI, from what I remember. You only need to watch it if you’re trying to watch the entire franchise.

CHECK OUT PART 2 (2005-2009)!

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