Tag Archives: Playstation

Zelda clones and offspring

As you may have noticed from a previous post, I recently finished The Legend of Zelda: Majora’s Mask, which means I have beaten 10 Zelda games and have 3 to go (not counting the Four Swords spin-off games or the awful licensed games for CD-i).  Now, finishing 3 Zelda games is no small task and it’ll probably be awhile before I’ve actually done so, but I can’t help looking to the future.  When I’ve beaten all the Zeldas, what will I do when I want a Zelda fix but don’t want to replay a previously finished game?  Well, fortunately, there are many Zelda clones out there.  I’ve assembled this list for myself as much as anything but I’ll share it here for those other forlorn gamers that have rescued Hyrule as many times as possible. Note: I am ONLY including the games that by reputation are considered worthwhile. I’m not including any that are generally considered crap because I don’t want to play them!

Note 1: Before we start, bear in mind that I have not played most of these games. So, if I categorize a game incorrectly, just let me know!

Note 2: With each game I will list 2 ratings. The first rating, from GameFAQs, represents scores from amateur reviewers. The second rating, from GameRankings, represents scores from “professional” reviewers. Okay, let’s go!

Part 1: A rose by any other name . . .

Unapolagetic, Unabashed CLONES! These are the games that make little to no effort to hide their Zelda-ish-ness.

Golden Axe Warrior (Master System, SEGA, 1991)
what a terrible cover illustration
I have to start with this game because, OH, GOD, just look at the screenshots!

Yep, this is a major rip-off but fans seem to like it for what it is. Interestingly, this game came out in 1991, five years after the original Zelda was released in Japan. What made SEGA think that, after all that time, they needed their own Zelda clone? And for the Master System, no less, when the SNES/Genesis war was well underway? And how did the Golden Axe property get mixed up in the whole thing? Another interesting note – SEGA never bothered to release the game in Japan.
GameFAQs: 8.3 (3 reviews) GameRankings: N/A

Neutopia (TurboGrafx-16, Hudson, 1990)

I mainly started with Golden Axe warrior because it was so blatantly derivative. However, Hudson beat SEGA to the punch by one year with a slightly less derivative offering, story and all. See fo’ yo’ self.

GameFAQs: 8.0 (6 reviews) GameRankings: N/A

Neutopia II (TurboGrafx-16, Hudson, 1991)

Hudson didn’t waste any time releasing a follow-up. Both games are supposed to be pretty good in spite of their shamelessness.

GameFAQs: 7.0 (1 review) GameRankings: N/A

Crusader of Centy (Genesis, NexTech/SEGA, 1994)

Unlike the previously-mentioned games, this one supposedly has some original and unique aspects in story and concept, like some sort of animal training and monster philosophy. However, just LOOK at those screenshots.

GameFAQs: 7.6 (7 reviews) GameRankings: 8.0 (1 review)

Part 2: I’m Breathless: Music From and Inspired by the Film Dick Tracy

This section contains games that take the Zelda formula and wrap it up in new clothes. These games have enough of their own feel that they have established their own fan bases, unlike the games in Part 1, whose only legacy is “play this if you want more action in the style of the first Zelda game.” However, all of the games in this section are usually described as, “it’s like Zelda but . . .”

The Battle of Olympus (NES, Infinity/Imagineer, 1988)

“It’s like Zelda but in ancient, mythology-inspired Greece.” More specifically, it’s like the Zelda black sheep, Zelda II: The Adventure of Link. Reputedly, it’s a bit more action-oriented and less RPG-oriented than its inspiration. This game has some pretty rabid supporters, too.

GameFAQs: 8.3 (12 reviews) GameRankings: N/A

Willow (NES, Capcom, 1989)

Oh, look! One of the few games on this list that I’ve actually completed! A year after the film of the same name was released, Capcom managed to finish off this beauty. “It’s like Zelda but in the world of Willow,” which isn’t exactly all that different from the world of Zelda. However, this game is far from derivative and very much has its own identity. There is a lot of item acquisition and there are dungeons, but there’s less of an overworld/dungeon/overworld/dungeon process. The setup is a bit more RPG-ish than most Zelda games. I thoroughly enjoyed the music and revisited certain areas just to hear it.

GameFAQs: 8.5 (11 reviews) GameRankings: N/A

Crystalis (NES, SNK, 1989)

“It’s like Zelda but more RPG-ish and with a storyline.” This game does look like Zelda on the surface but its fans, and there are many, claim that it is superior to the original in every way. Maybe so!

GameFAQs: 9.3 (29 reviews) GameRankings: N/A

StarTropics (NES, Nintendo, 1990)

“It’s like Zelda but in a modern setting and with a yo-yo instead of a sword.” This game was developed by Nintendo’s Punch-Out!! team and wasn’t released in good ol’ Japan.

GameFAQs: 8.6 (30 reviews) GameRankings: N/A

Zoda’s Revenge: StarTropics II (NES, Nintendo, 1994)

This little-known sequel was released four years later and only in the USA. Poor guy.

GameFAQs: 8.8 (16 reviews) GameRankings: N/A

Final Fantasy Adventure (Game Boy, SquareSoft, 1991)

Oh! Another game I’ve actually beaten! “It’s like Zelda but in a Final Fantasy world.” This is actually the first game in the Mana (or Seiken Densetsu) series and bore the title, Final Fantasy Gaiden: Seiken Densetsu, in Japan. At first glance it looks a lot like Zelda but the overall feel is pretty different, with that darker Final Fantasy tone. There are many RPG trappings like leveling up and magic points and the items/weapons acquired throughout the game are more destructive than what you’d normally find in Zelda games (like blades and clubs on chains). I understand the SNES Mana games are less Zelda-ish but this one certainly belongs in Part 2 of this article and I would definitely recommend it.

GameFAQs: 8.8 (26 reviews) GameRankings: 8.2 (6 reviews)

LandStalker (Genesis, Climax/SEGA, 1992)

“It’s like Zelda but with an anti-hero, platforming, and an isometric viewpoint.” This one also has pretty rabid supporters.

GameFAQs: 8.7 (15 reviews) GameRankings: 8.7 (2 reviews)

Beyond Oasis (Genesis, Ancient/SEGA, 1994)

“It’s like Zelda but in a middle-Eastern setting and with brawling.” One reviewer described the game as a mash-up of Zelda and the Streets of Rage series. Sounds like a nice change of pace!

GameFAQs: 8.1 (13 reviews) GameRankings: 8.4 (3 reviews)

Legend of Oasis (Saturn, Ancient/SEGA, 1996)

The sequel to Beyond Oasis, but now with “Legend of” in the title to make the Zelda connection clearer. Thank you for that!
Now that's a big kick!
GameFAQs: 7.7 (3 reviews) 7.8 (3 reviews)

Alundra (PlayStation, Matrix/Sony, 1997)

“It’s like Zelda but in 32 bits and with some jumping.” The main character is even elfin in appearance.

GameFAQs: 7.9 (32 reviews) GameRankings: 8.5 (11 reviews)

StarFox Adventures (GameCube, Rare/Nintendo, 2002)
Dinosaur Planet
If you hadn’t already guessed, this game is “like Zelda but with the StarFox cast and conventions.” Here’s how it came about. In the N64 days, Rare had made something of a habit of making high-quality “clones” of Japanese Nintendo games. Super Mario 64 begat Banjo-Kazooie and Donkey Kong 64 and Mario Kart 64 begat Diddy Kong Racing. Eventually, Rare decided to make a Zelda game for the N64, entitled Dinosaur Planet. Shigeru Miyamoto got a look at it, noticed the protagonist was furry, and commanded Rare to convert the game into a StarFox installment for the GameCube. Anyway, the gameplay is Zelda 64 to the core, with the L-button aiming, button mapping and auto-jump. After this release, Rare and Nintendo divorced.

GameFAQs: 7.7 (66 reviews) GameRankings: 8.0 (80 reviews)

Sphinx and the Cursed Mummy (PlayStation 2/Xbox/GameCube, Eurocom/THQ, 2003)

The general consensus is that this game is like Zelda but in ancient, mythology-inspired Egypt. The main innovation is the addition of a jump button.

PlayStation 2 version – 8.6 (8 reviews) 7.9 (33 reviews)
Xbox version – 8.0 (2 reviews) 8.1 (21 reviews)
GameCube version – GameFAQs: 8.0 (9 reviews) 7.9 (25 reviews)

Beyond Good & Evil (PlayStation 2/Xbox/GameCube/PC, Ubisoft Montpelier/Ubisoft, 2003)

The protagonist is a photographer of some sort and the setting is kinda sci-fi. I don’t know much else but it’s always described as a Zelda clone. It has developed a really fervent cult following and was respected by the critics. Supposedly, a sequel is on the way.

PlayStation 2 version – GameFAQs: 8.1 (34 reviews) GameRankings: 8.7 (57 reviews)
Xbox version – GameFAQs: 9.1 (27 reviews) GameRankings: 8.8 (52 reviews)
GameCube version – GameFAQs: 8.9 (33 reviews) GameRankings: 8.8 (43 reviews)
PC version – GameFAQs: 8.9 (9 reviews) GameRankings: 8.3 (23 reviews)

Okami (PlayStation 2/Wii, Clover Studio/Capcom, 2006/2007)
doggy
Unlike most of the games on this list, Okami enjoyed a pretty healthy marketing and hype push. Interestingly, it came out in the same year as a high profile Zelda release, Twilight Princess, and the reviews often described it as a “Zelda-killer” or as having “out-Zelda’d Zelda.” Pretty big talk! So, yeah, it’s like Zelda but in an ancient, mythology-inspired Japan, and the protagonist is a divine dog. The game was especially praised for its beautiful, painting-like visuals. This was the last game Clover Studio developed before Capcom dissolved them and the principal members left to form Platinum Games. There’s a sequel on the way for DS.

PlayStation 2 version – GameFAQs: 9.5 (52 reviews) GameRankings: 9.2 (75 reviews)
Wii version – GameFAQs: 8.9 (27 reviews) GameRankings: 9.0 (47 reviews)

Part 3: All in the Family

This section is a quick overview of games that bear superficial similarities to Zelda and are probably influenced by Zelda but are not by any means clones and that break out of the mold in several meaningful ways. Perhaps I will write more about these games at a later date but for now I’m including the following in this category.

Mana series, including Secret of Mana, Seiken Densetsu 3, Sword of Mana, and the bastard stepchild, Secret of Evermore.

SoulBlazer series, including SoulBlazer, Illusion of Gaia, and Terranigma.

Shining series, including I’m not even sure which games el oh el.

Zenonia series, the series that’s dominating on iPhone of late.

END

I’m glad that all these clones exist because there are too many elements that the Zelda games hold onto with unnecessary stubbornness.  Why is the setting always medievel-Europe-looking’?  Why is the star always a little, elfin, blond boy?  Anyway, you have your orders. As for me, I still have to beat three more Zelda games before I can seven dig into the list. If you disagree with my categorization, let me know. If you love one of the above-mentioned games and think I should play it first, let me know. Goodbye.

Bionic Commando: Rearmed

this is seriously the only new game i actually have a STRONG desire to play.

Bionic Commando: Rearmed

it’s basically just a remake of the Bionic Commando for the NES (which is one of the best NES games ever made).  there are some new things added, but none of them sound like they would HURT anything. just as long as the original gameplay is still there, this game should rule.

check it:




 

the NEW junk:

  • A health bar replaces the previous system, meaning players collect health items from enemies to restore health, as opposed to gaining more hit points.
  • Players can now shoot their arm to grab barrels and throw them at enemies. The arm can also be enhanced to grab enemies and use them as human shields.
  • Weapons can now be changed during gameplay, with each weapon having stronger or weaker impact depending on the enemy. (For example, the default Revolver is effective against human enemies, but weaker against robots.)
  • Boss battles have been remade from scratch. The final boss of the original game is now a fully fledged level.
  • A co-operative mode is featured, with the enemy and boss AI changing to accommodate the extra player.
  • Hacking into the enemy network now involves navigating a three-dimensional puzzle to hack into the enemy’s communications. Extra points (or a health bonus if player has incomplete health bar) is also rewarded upon completion.
  • The game also features challenge rooms which involves using the bionic arm to get from start to finish in the fastest time possible.
  • Numerous competitive multiplayer modes are added, including ‘Don’t Touch the Floor” in which only hitting the very bottom of the level kills the player, and weapons only knock the player back.
  • Force feedback has been implemented when using the bionic arm, firing weapons, and other events
  • In-game art designed by Shinkiro 

 

and the game features the original music too, just remixed to be MOODY and shit.

 
some video:

 

and lots of other screenshots and comparisons.

 

let me come over and play.

damn. sorry i’m such a nerd.

 

scott

the “games i’ve beaten” list. for matt, mostly.

okay. matt recently made a post asking for lists of completed video games. i’ve played exactly 1,000,582 games in my lifetime, so the idea of making a complete list of every game i’ve beaten made me feel a bit FAINT. (also… i have a really bad memory for stuff like this) instead, i’ve decided to make a list of completed games IN MY COLLECTION.

let’s go!!!

NES:

the adventures of link: i only just beat this game a few months back. i remember hating it as a child. i think mostly because it wasn’t much like the legend of zelda. however, upon revisiting it in my old age, i’ve decided that this game is really really good, and i wish that nintendo would make another zelda game in this same style. it won’t happen, but i would play it if it did.

bionic commando: one of my all time favorite games. it’s just great. they’re remaking this for xbox 360. check it out/watch the trailer.

castlevania II: simon’s quest: i didn’t remember beating this one, but after seeing ryan beat last month, i feel like i actually had beat it back in the day.

contra: such a fun game. i’ve beat it quite a few times.

deja vu: i’ve beat this one a few times as well. i used to love these old adventure games.

jackal: the classic drive-around-in-a-jeep-and-shoot-things game. very few can compete.

the legend of zelda: beat this one FOREVER ago. either late 80s or early 90s. i want to pick it up again sometime soon

maniac mansion: oh boy! i think i’ve beaten this game every way possible.

metroid: i beat this game back when i was really devoted. also, i didn’t have the internet. i drew my own maps throughout the game. i may still have them laying around somewhere.

nintendo world cup: does this count? do sports games count?

shadowgate: i’ve beaten this one a few times too, but always with many years in between each conquest. the latest was just this year, and i had forgotten almost everything about it. that’s the beauty of a poor memory, i guess… it makes old things new again!

spy vs spy: this is probably more fun as a two player game, but when you’re young and only have a handful of games, you take what you can get.

super c: like contra, this game is great for picking up whenever, and it really doesn’t take much to beat it.

super mario bros. 2: this was one of the favorites as a child. and then mario 3 came out…

super mario bros. 3: probably THE BEST game ever made for the nes. i’m sure there are people who will debate this, but for me, growing up when i did, super mario bros. 3 was so fucking great that all other games pale in comparison. the guide that i got through nintendo power was read to death. i remember taking it everywhere. at the end, it was being held together with a million pieces of tape.

tmnt 2: the arcade game: this is another game that is way more fun with 2 players. playing it now bores me. jump kick, jump kick, jump kick, etc., but back when it came out, this game was the bee’s knees.

tmnt 3: the manhatten project: basically a continuation of tnmt2, but with some special moves. blah blah blah.

uninvited: another kemco/seika adventure ported from the macventure collection. not as good as deja vu or shadowgate, but still quite fun.

_____________________________________________________________

some nes games i’m pretty sure i’ve beaten, or at least got very close to beating:

castlevania III: dracula’s curse: i like this game.

double dragon: i think i may have only beaten it on the sega master system, but… maybe…

mega man 2: i’m pretty sure i beat this one, as well as a couple others, but they all run together in my head.

mike tyson’s punch-out: i know i’ve GOTTEN to old iron mike, but i honestly can’t tell you if i’ve beaten him myself.

ninja gaiden: dunno. just dunno.

ninja gaiden II: i’m pretty sure i beat this…

wwf wrestlemania: i don’t even remember if there is a definitive end to this game, but if there is, i can gaurantee i’ve made it.

_____________________________________________________________

SNES:

secret of evermore: i remember really enjoying this game, but at the same i time, i remember parts of it being rather time consuming and tedius. i probably will never try to beat it again, but if you have time and patience, please give it a try.

final fantasy II: this was one of those “summer vacaction games”. we didn’t have strict bedtimes during summer breaks, and by this time i had an old tv in my room, so i would stay up all night playing rpgs while a cool summer breeze blew in through the open windows. because of when i played it, i don’t remember this game having any music.

actraiser: i always liked the mixing of genres in this game. it’s a pretty quick game, so give it a shot.

super castlevania IV: this was one of the first games we had for the snes. that being said, you can imagine that i’ve beaten it quite a few times.

contra III: the alien wars: contra games are good!!!

disney’s goof troop: a very short puzzle/action game. i got this a couple years ago because it was on sale for zero bucks or something. it’s quick and easy, but it is fun. i think allison would like it at least.

donkey kong country: when it came out, this was THE GAME to have. so we got it. and i beat every aspect of it. but i never really got into the sequels. maybe i burnt myself out.

judge dredd: i liked the comics, and i found it on sale. not the best game, but it’s fun. probably wouldn’t play it too much these days.

killer instinct: another “GAME YOU NEED TO GET” when it came out. and we got it. i think i’ve played this game more than any other fighting game ever. not cuz it’s the best or anything, but cuz it was the only fighting game we had at the time.

lester the unlikely: this was a game that i’m guessing didn’t sell very well. i got it at KAY-BEE toys on sale. it’s one of those action/adventure games like prince of persia or flashback or whatever. the one thing i really liked about it was that as you progress through the game, your character turns from a weak, dorky guy into a rather fit, capable guy. the end.

ranma 1/2: hard battle: i really liked anime back in middle school/early high school. especially ranma 1/2. that’s probably the only reason i played this game so much…

shadowrun: this was another “summer vacation game”, but this one was a different year, and the tv was in the basement. i spent a lot of hot summer afternoons playing this while listening to “maximum perversion” by the mephiskapheles and hellcat records’s “give ’em the boot vol. 1”.

super bomberman: great game. it’s bomberman. so… it’s like most of the other bomberman games

super bomberman 2: another great game. etc.

super mario world: OH LORD!!! i talked about a couple other games being “THE GAME TO HAVE”, but none of them compared to this one. i’ve beaten this game quite a few times, and it’s a game that i wouldn’t mind beating again. it’s just great.

super mario all stars: meaning, the lost levels. i like it better than super mario bros., i think.

super metroid: oh wow! i love this game so much. seriously. everyone needs to play it. it’s beautiful.

street fighter II: i don’t think i necessarily beat THIS version of street fighter II. i think it was turbo or super, but regardless, i’ve beaten it with multiple fighters, etc.

tmnt IV: turtles in time: more arcade style fighting. this is a VERY short game, and one i probably won’t care about playing again, unless i’ve got an excited buddy to play with.

zombies ate my neighbors: i really like this game. but it’s another game that is more fun with 2 players. give it a shot.

the legend of zelda: a link to the past: quite possibly my all time favorite snes game. i don’t think there’s anything about this game that i DON’T like. it’s just so very good. ryan meier doesn’t know shit.

_____________________________________________________________

some snes games i’m pretty sure i’ve beaten, or at least got very close to beating:

flashback: the quest for identity: i know i got pretty far, but i’m not sure i beat it. this was all during one weekend when we rented it. i haven’t played it since then.

ken griffey jr. presents major league baseball: dunno if you can “beat” this game, but i remember playing it a lot. doing the seasons and stuff. blah blah.

the legend of the mystical ninja: i really doubt that i BEAT this, but i know that we got pretty far, and i remember really enjoying it. give it a shot.

nba jam: can you beat nba jam?

super adventure island: pretty sure i beat this. it’s not a hard or long game.

starfox: i don’t think i beat this every possible way. i know i beat it at LEAST one way.

wwf royal rumble: not sure you can “beat” this game either…

_____________________________________________________________

NINTENDO 64:

super mario 64: my all time favorite n64 game. fuck you if you don’t like this game.

shadowgate 64: yeah… not sure why i beat this. it’s really not worth the trouble.

_____________________________________________________________

some n64 games i’m pretty sure i’ve beaten, or at least got very close to beating:

starfox 64: who knows?

star wars: shadows of the empire: i remember playing this a lot at friends’ houses and renting it, but i can’t remember actually BEATING it.

mischeif makers: pretty sure i beat it. coulda just got distracted near the end, though.

_____________________________________________________________

SEGA GENESIS:

contra hard corps: i have only beaten this one way, and that isn’t the “complete every level” way. so i don’t know if this counts?

_____________________________________________________________

some genesis games i’m pretty sure i’ve beaten, or at least got very close to beating:

mega bomberman: i think so! it has animals you can ride!

revenge of shinobi: pretty sure. the game’s tight cuz you fight spiderman, batman, and a cross between the hulk and the terminator

_____________________________________________________________

PLAYSTATION:

bushido blade: if this game has an ending, i can gaurantee i got to it.

fear effect: i remember enjoying this game. it’s an action/adventure sorta like a resident evil or something. probably won’t bother playing it again anytime soon. and if i do, i doubt i’ll bother trying to beat it again. HOWEVER… you could play it if you want to.

rival schools: united by fate: i beat this quite a few times with different characters. does that count?

super puzzle fighter 2 turbo: this is one of my favorite playstation games. it’s also my favorite puzzle game.

_____________________________________________________________

some playstation games i’m pretty sure i’ve beaten, or at least got very close to beating:

brave fencer musashi: i can’t remember the ending of this game, so that makes me think i didn’t beat it, but i know i spent a lot of time on it.

castlevania: symphony of the night: i think i beat it, but not COMPLETELY beat it. like… no inverted castle…

echo night: i don’t remember an ending.

front mission 3: i don’t remember an ending for this either. makes me think i probably didn’t end up finishing it.

_____________________________________________________________

PLAYSTATION 2:

metal slug 4/5: this is one of those games where you just have to hit continue a lot. so… it’s not a really great accomplishment or anything, but i like metal slug games.

katamari damacy: natalie and i just beat this a couple weeks ago. very fun game. very addictive. also very unique. A+

 

scott

Old Computers #4: Sharp X68000

CALL THE COPS I'M GONNA JUMP

Released by Sharp in 1987, the X68000 was another attempt to break into the Japanese home computer scene. It was much more powerful than the established competition presented by the PC88 and MSX series. In fact, its hardware was comparable to the arcade units of the time which had a predictable result – it was the champion of arcade conversions, hosting arcade classics from the kings like Capcom, Konami and Namco. Unfortunately, there weren’t a great deal of original games for it except for an awesome Castlevania installment (released here for PlayStation).

As was often the case in the 1980s, machines with high graphical capabilities were of little use to most business and many homes, meaning the X68K was a popular alternative, but not a big boy. The last model was released in 1993 before the line succumbed to the all-powerful Windows 95 craze.

Dear Scott, Mega Man 9 (wtf?)

Last week word was leaked that a Mega Man 9 was forthcoming. “Oh, wow!” people said. The common conclusion was that it would be a high quality, big production to bring Mega Man into the current generation. Sure, Mega Man never went away, but his games of the last 10 years have been primarily spin-offs and have not used the latest technology. Apparently, Mega Man 9 will continue that tradition . . .

Yes, that is a screenshot for the upcoming Mega Man 9. Apparently, it will be a downloadable Wii Ware game that, as you can see, takes great pains to look just like the 6 NES Mega Man games. I could see the appeal of such a game . . . if it weren’t for the fact that there are already 6 NES Mega Man games! And it’s a step back because Mega Man 7 & 8 were released for SNES and PlayStation and have updated graphics. Plus, wasn’t Mega Man & Bass for SNES basically Mega Man 9? Sure, maybe the game will be great but what’s the point, since I and most people haven’t even beaten Mega Man 1-6? I don’t git it.

kicknz

For Allison – Final Fantasy Tactics releases

Because Final Fantasy Tactics is basically a rebranding of the Battle Ogre series, they must be listed together.

1993 Ogre Battle: The March of the Black Queen
by Quest
Super NES, PlayStation
This is the game that started the whole silly series, developed by independent company Quest!

1995 Tactics Ogre: Let Us Cling Together
by Quest
Super NES, PlayStation
After this release, several members of the Quest development team jumped ship for Squaresoft, where they worked on . . .

1997 Final Fantasy Tactics
by Square
PlayStation
Basically a Tactics Ogre game but with characters, settings, trappings, etc. from Final Fantasy.

1999 Ogre Battle 64: Person of Lordly Caliber
by Quest
Nintendo 64

2000 Ogre Battle: Legend of the Zenobia Prince
by Quest
NeoGeo Pocket Color
This one never dun come out outside of Japan so don’t try to git it.

2001 Tactics Ogre: The Knight of Lodis
by Quest
Game Boy Advance
After this game was relased, Quest was absorbed by Square. Many of the former Quest developers now work on the FF Tactics series.

2003 Final Fantasy Tactics Advance
by Squaresoft
Game Boy Advance
The game Allison loves.

2007 Final Fantasy Tactics: The War of the Lions
by Square Enix
PSP
An update of the original PS1 game.

2007 Final Fantasy Tactics A2
by Square Enix
Nintendo DS
The new game releasing stateside this month.

kicknz

Dear Scott, You Miserable Cunt

I’m glad that people took my Top Ten games of all time list at face value. I would have thought that placing Mario Clash anywhere near a Top 10 Games list, or even a Top 10,000 Games list, would have been a clue that it was a joke. Scott suggested I make a list that doesn’t involve Mario or Nintendo. The reason I stopped my Top Ten lists is because no one gave a flying fuck about them to begin with. I didn’t even finish my Nintendo lists, stopping short of GBA and DS.

Fine, here’s a goddamn Top Ten PlayStation games list. I’m not going to put in any fucking pictures. Someone else can do that if they give a shit. As usual, RPGs and sports sims are unwelcome.

NOTE: My experience with PS1 is not as deep as with other systems. Therefore the variety emphasis is not as strong with this list. Does this list really need to have so many fighters? No, but they currently make up like half of my PS1 collection.

#10 SOULBLADE (Namco)

– You could call this game Soulcalibur Zero. There are Virtua Fighter-style ring-outs and everyone uses weapons. There’s even a story (although it’s the same story in all the sequels, basically): all these pricks throughout time congregate to defeat or claim a magical sword. Just like in fairy tales.

#9 CRASH BANDICOOT WARPED (Sony/Naughty Dog)

– There’s something about this series that’s really annoying and I can’t totally embrace it. That said, this is a pretty decent platformer.

#8 METAL SLUG X (Agetec/SNK)

– No, Certain People, this isn’t arcade perfect. It doesn’t mean it’s not totally tits, though. It’s like Contra but easier (thanks to many continues) and cartoony graphics. It is fun to stab and kill.

#7 DEAD OR ALIVE (Tecmo)

– The game most famous for popularizing bouncing-breast physics. Besides that nonsense, this is a decent start to the series. It’s often compared to Virtua Fighter but I think this game is superior and the grappling elements are boss.

#6 RIVAL SCHOOLS (Capcom)

– There are other fighters on PS that are technically superior but I just find this game to be particularly fun. The cast of characters is silly, full of stupid high school stereotypes. The fighting is somewhat similar to Street Fighter but with some unique elements. Blah bah.

#5 TEKKEN 3 (Namco)

– The fighting system in Tekken games is really intuitive and makes a lot of sense. Each limb has a particular button assigned to it so bash away in ways that make sense. There are also interesting bonus features, like a side-scrolling beat-em-up game consisting of 4 levels. You should definitely play this mode if you like to eat chicken off of the ground.

#4 STREET FIGHTER ALPHA 3 (Capcom)

– Sorry, other fighting games, but I just love Street Fighter. Unlike the previous SF ports on PlayStation, this one is actually pretty decent. It’s not perfect but it’s a good approximation in the same way that SFII ports on SNES were. Good cast, great fighting, lots of gay sex.

#3 RESIDENT EVIL 3: NEMESIS (Capcom)

– Some people might not appreciate this selection. After all, why select this game over the original Resident Evil or Resident Evil 2? After all, RE3 is pretty similar to RE2. They both take place in Raccoon City over the same day (or days). Some locations are even recycled, particularly the Police Department. There’s one minor point that recommends this game over those: the controls are improved. They’re still horrible tank controls but at least you can quickly turn around now instead of taking five years. But what really makes this game great is the title character, the super asshole known as Nemesis. You never know when that son of a bitch is going to pop out and mangle you, keeping you on edge practically all of the time. That prick seriously stressed me out and got my heart racing. It’s cool that a game can do something like that.

#2 CASTLEVANIA: SYMPHONY OF THE NIGHT (Konami)

– Oh, wow, what a cliche 2nd entry for the list. Some critics think it’s fun to call this game the best game of all time. Errrr, okay. This is the game that turned the Castlevania series into a cross between old Castlevania, Metroid, and your typical RPG. You go all over, get upgrades, level up, buy shit, wear stats-boosting accessories, and so on. It’s one of the greatest 2D games of the post-SNES/Genesis era.

#1 METAL GEAR SOLID (Konami)

– Wow, what a cliche way to end the list. Problems: too much fucking talking, somewhat linear gameplay in spite of it taking in “real world” type environment. Positives: the various situations you’re confronted with are great. When you develop the patience, it becomes enjoyable to sneak around and then occasionally strangle some asshole to death. The boss fights are hilariously stupid. The story is preposterous. Everything is over the top and there are many somewhat innovative sections – like surviving torture sessions and then hanging out in a jail cell while a guard takes a dump.

Notable PS1 games I haven’t played: Crash Bandicoot 1-2, Spyro the Dragon 1-3, Tomb Raiders (probably will never play them), Gran Turismos, Tony Hawks, NFL Blitz, Silhouette Mirage, Silent Hill, Super Puzzle Fighter II, Mega Mans, In The Hunt, etc etc

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