God damn my art teacher

I may have told you before about my horoscope conversations I’d have with my art teacher.

I may have told you other things about her.

Here is another. She mentioned that many of her favorite films have a theme of a young girl traveling to a fantasy land and she cited Wizard of Oz, Alice in Wonderland and Labyrinth. “Oh,” I said, “then you must like Mirrormask and Return to Oz.” She responded with, “Huh?” So I let her borrow them, along with The Dark Crystal. Alas, she couldn’t make it all the way through Dark Crystal or Return to Oz because she found them to be too boring but mainly too . . .


Yep, now you know. The Dark Crystal is too old be enjoyed. THANKFULLY, she acknowledged that it was proabably a “great movie in its time.” When I asked what her deal is with old things she blamed the media, and then added that we’re all affected by the media in the same manner.


I asked what movies she likes and her list included Fight Club, The Saint, and “anything with Val Kilmer.” Fuck art teachers.

6 responses to “God damn my art teacher

  1. what does “too old” even mean? i’m having a difficult time with this…if we’re talking about the only dark crystal i know of, that came out in 1982. and wizard of oz…well…duh.

  2. this art teacher should not be teaching art. if nothing else, you should be able to appreciate the dark crystal for the design, puppeteering, and so on and so forth.

  3. I hate the Dark Crystal.

  4. There are so very MANY things that are retarded about this teach-bitch, one doesn’t even know where to begin except with passionate, PASSIONATE rape. But I’ll TRY, regardless…

    1) The Dark Crystal was only released three and a half years previous Labyrinth, and, even WITH this chronological non-handicap to its “detriment,” comes off appearing MUCH more timeLESS than the latter. Within what contextual backdrop does Crystal take place? Who knows? Labyrinth? OBVIOUSLY, the fucking ’80’s! Idiot-bitch!

    2) The ludicrousness of the Wizard of Oz-versus-Dark Crystal temporal comparison has already been established, it seems. It should be added, nonetheless, that this bitch is retarded (which, seemingly, has ALSO been noted, buy that’s neither here nor there, within the framework of THIS argument).

    3) The “we’re all affected by media in the same way” gibberish was a complete non-sequitur, and SHOULD’VE disqualified her from seeming a legitimate composite character in the conversation IMMEDIATELY. What the fuck does that MEAN?!

    Remember the Down syndrome chick Corky married near the swan song of the “Life Goes On” syndication? The “Chaws, I want ha’ a bayn-bee!” chick? She’s all grown up, folks, and proudly professing art in Florida, apparently…

    4) This mongo-skirt is OBVIOUSLY experiencing some retard existential crisis concerning demographical empathy. To wit! It appears to have created its own oxymoronical sub-genre of social degenerate via its stated filmic palate: The Meathead Fag Hag. It likes supposed tough guy cliché “badasses” whose characteristic MO is in constantly emasculating themselves–seemingly PURPOSEFULLY–in order to further bas-relief the contrary supposed badassedness of their characters.

    Have you ever SEEN a more repressed homosexual than every SINGLE character portrayed by Val Kilmer? *I* sure haven’t! (I LOVE Willow, mind you, but Madmartigan SO “shares a moment” with General Kael just before sending him to Gay Heaven [aka Searing, Noxious Hell]. Distracting?!) MAYBE David Bowie’s in Labyrinth, but I rest my case.

    (Post-script: I bet the “teacher”-in-question LOVES the gay scenes in “The Jackal”. They prolly get her all sloppy downstairs, before she remembers she doesn’t have a vagina that day, and doesn’t know what a “movie” is for the week.)

    5) Who dishes superlatives out on things, but doesn’t have the stamina to “endure” said things so plausibly magnificent–and for an hour and a half, no less?! “It was probably great, but… not the kind of ‘great’ that would make me stick around for it… Now, ‘The Saint’…? That’s A-MAAAAA-ZING… ish…” Fuckhead dame.

    Either drop this course, or murder the gap. Believe me, you’ll thank me for it later.

  5. Oh, where to begin….OIK! If you are going to use the plethora of magnanimous words, try to use them correctly, or someone might think you are a pompous windbag, or something. Now, I have to agree…if you like Labyrinth (which IS the best movie of ALL time, I will admit), you must be an utter imbecile not to like The Dark Crystal. And I will have ALL of you know…I am an ART TEACHER (really, I am) …so please don’t lump us all into the same category…I would have been very insulted if I cared. And I am intelligent enough to say I don’t get something instead of saying it was “old” or blame it on the media. Good God, the media is doing enough already without making stuff up…

  6. I am a pompous windbag, that’s the whole point. You’re probably a good art teacher so please forgive me.

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