CIA Tortures Wrong Man

This morning I woke up and I noticed that the CIA tortured the wrong man.  The wrong man was me.  I motioned right away  to the guard, Brutus, and asked him if I really was the wrong man being detained and tortured.  Brutus looked at me and pretended he did not speak English.   I know for a fact that he does and he was just playing a really mean trick on me–meaner than what the CIA has been doing to me for the past five months.  I jumped around my cell and tried to play along with Brutus’ no-English game.  I acted out the various forms of torture that I have been receiving and then drew pictures in the dirt of other people that I thought deserved to be tortured more than me.  Then I pointed to myself and shook my head.  Brutus finally chuckled and gave in that he knew I was the wrong man.  He said that the CIA was pretty embarassed about this whole ordeal and that they were going to vehemently deny the allegations until another, larger news story came to light.  I agreed this was probably the best way to deal with my unwarranted detention and torture, so I took a nap in the dirt and waited for my 3 o’clock lashings.

Sadly, my version of the story isn’t all that far from the truth.  Last week, it was reported that several months ago German Khaled el-Masri was plucked from his vacation in Macedonia and flown to Afghanistan to be tortured by the CIA.  He attempted to sue the CIA for abducting the wrong man, but the courts are refusing to hear his case.  US District Judge TS Ellis admitted (to the extent he could) that el-Masri’s claims are truthful, but due to their nature, the courts can not acknowledge his misfortunes.  I haven’t heard a worse case where pride has resulted in complete injustice.

Furthermore, it appears that the original BBC article I read a week ago is no longer online and a water-downed, less accusatory article is now its place.  The orginal article clearly stated that el-Masri was blaming the CIA for confusing him with a completely different person.  After the CIA realized this, they placed him, drugged and disoriented, close to the Albanian border.  The new article mainly focuses on the question of if extraordinary rendition is humane and barely implies the real issue at hand: that the CIA tortured the wrong person!

5 responses to “CIA Tortures Wrong Man

  1. nataliebeth


  2. god damn! this is fucked up. my favorite part is the mob tactic of drugging him and throwing him out on the street to fend for himself.

    however… i honestly think you should write your own versions of every news story that you post.

  3. ps: Finding out CIA scandals by just reading the news makes me feel like Will Smith in MIB. Remember how all he had to do to find aliens was to read the papers???

  4. nataliebeth

    yeah but he read the tabloids, which used to be the only source of information but now we have the bbc and fox news and cnn.

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