Author Archives: cecilpaoli

Stocking Stuffers #2

Yowza! would I like to get one of these bad boys! I’m definitely one for cuddlin’ and when I can’t get the real deal this is a fine substitute. At least it won’t push away, or adjust because they’re “uncomfortable” or pass gas in the middle of “the mood”. This is a bit big for stocking stuffer, but doesn’t mean you can’t make a giant stocking!!!!

cecilpaoli

Stocking Stuffers! #1

With the holiday season coming up, everyone is going to be buying gifts for people, so I thought I would help find those one of a kind gifts for you!!

So I came across this sweet invention. Can’t wait to see how it works. It’s called Rape-Axe. It was invented in Africa. It’s a barbed condom that women would wear in their vaginas and if a dude gets too ambitious, BAM!! You’re going to jail! This will probably never ever make it to the commercial market but this would make a great stocking stuffer! Nothing says Merry Christmas like “I caught your penis with a Rape-Axe!”

Rape-AXE

cecilpaoli

This IS the best animation EVER

seriously I’ve never wanted to animate until I saw this….kristofer strom

cecilpaoli

BEST REVIEW EVER

MACHO MAN “BE A MAN” review….NUFF SAID

83 of 86 people found the following review helpful:
5.0 out of 5 stars The First Of Many Inspiring Albums, January 12, 2005
By Dark Ninja (Canada) – See all my reviews
There is no way you will ever get closer to the utopia you experience when you listen to this outstanding album. I hope for the sake of every being in the universe that we will see many, many more Macho Man albums in the future. When I first caught a glance of this CD at Walmart, I turned and fell to my knees while time literally stopped. Once I regained consciousness I quickly filled a crate with the album and handed the cashier a flying elbow drop! When I placed the CD onto the tray of my stereo system, I knew at once that my life had culminated to that point, my purpose was to witness the sick, wicked, and nasty beats that were about to pulsate through the earth itself and energize my very life force. When the tray recalled itself back into the stereo console, it was as though the final puzzle piece of human existence had been put into place. Rainbows began to pour inexplicably out of the speakers and onto my terrace. The windows flew open and The Macho Man himself floated in on a winged platinum unicorn. He gave me a $5 gift certificate at Radio Shack and told me that I was the chosen one. He said that He and I would lead mankind out of poverty and strife forever. He said we must hurry, unimaginable evils were gathering and following him and there was not much time before he would have to face them. As we prepared to embark a low rumble could be heard in the distance. Hardly decipherable at first, but it began to grow louder, and apparently closer. The sky darkened rapidly and took on a red-orange tint. The rumble grew exponentially louder and more fierce, and the ground began to shake. Without warning an enormous crack in the planet’s surface appeared and a great mountain of rock and molten lava shot up from the center of the earth with the force of ten trillion mighty buffalo. Satan himself stood before us, in all of his evil majesty. Despite this apocalyptic series of events, Randy was not at all intimidated. He stood fast, and with a mighty cry of ‘OOOOOOHHH YEAHHHHHH!’ he was suddenly 250 feet tall and was made entirely of gold. Satan lunged towards Savage with blinding speed, but The Macho Man was suddenly gone. Satan spun back around just in time for a vicious Macho Man drop kick to the throat. Again, Savage disappeared, leaving Satan dazed and confused. As Satan tried to recover Randy leapt at him from out of nowhere with a punishing sunset flip, sending The Dark Lord directly into a black hole on the other side of the universe. Savage explained to me how his musical talents inspired the Greek God Zeus, and so Zeus gave him super powers and ultrasonic vocal cords. I told him he’s the illest, the true chief warrior. The bottom line is I used to steal cars and buses all the time, but ever since I heard this album I only smash fire hydrants. I no longer sleep or eat or talk, I just absorb the lyrical extremes that this album surpasses time and again and train to fight The Hulkster. Everything that you’ve ever done, are doing now, or will ever do is a complete waste of time unless it directly involves Randy ‘Macho Man’ Savage. If you don’t own this album, I sincerely hope that this review has helped you realize what a clueless and wretched piece of waste you really are. And seriously Hogan, be a man for once in your life. If you just take the beating maybe Savage won’t banish you from the universe….OOOOOOOHHH YEEEAAAHHHHH!!! I just crapped on myself.

cecilpaoli

fuck i’ve been beaten to it!

cecilpaoli

WHAAAAAAA?

cecilpaoli

Operation: Judge a Book 2

kewl?

DBA “Bubble

So I find this motherfucker. Look at this shit. If you’re going to try and look futuristic and all that don’t be a fucking cunt about it. First, the guy looks like the biggest douchenut of the century. I bet he’ll be shaking hands with Hitler when he dies. Is that their “spaceship”? It’s a fucking tube. What’s with the computer? It doesn’t do you any good when you can’t see the fucking screen. This wouldn’t be bad if they were in 3rd grade playing “spacemen” or some dumb shit you do when you’re that age. From this cover this is easily going to be a some euro-pop, barbie-girl, bullshit. That, or a slight chance of being Orgy.

The Verdict:
This is exactly as predicted. BULL. SHIT. I’m glad they went with this album cover because it is a good warning to those of us who don’t like shitty electronic music with some weak ass bitch singing in the background. I’m not as angered with listening to this one because I wasn’t surprised at the sound. Predictable. If you enjoy the sound of blood pouring out of your ears, PICK THIS UP!

cecilpaoli